wordlessness

Love, Birds & Happiness

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When you’re in love, everything seems special: the birds sing so sweetly, there is beauty all around you, and you can’t stop smiling. If only there was a way to bottle this feeling and pull it out on days when you don’t feel so good!

Maybe we can…

Scientists have discovered we have mirror neurons in our brain, which enable us to feel what another is feeling. This allows us to empathize with others, and it also comes into play when we are reading a great novel or watching a play or a movie and feel the emotions of the character within our own bodies. Have you ever identified with a character so much you laughed out loud? (I’ve done this before reading a great book by myself in a restaurant. Who cares if I got crazy looks? Laughter is good!) Or found yourself crying during a touching scene in a movie? (Steel Magnolias or Terms of Endearment are sure tear-jerkers for me.)

Mirror neurons make it possible to feel something even if you’re not experiencing it yourself.

Knowing that our brains control what we feel, we can leverage it in our favor: saturate our minds with treasured memories and flood our brains with the feel good emotions and chemicals.

Martha Beck describes the technique of Sense-Drenching in her latest book, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, as one of the techniques to get to Wordlessness, a state of being where you shift your consciousness out of the verbal processing and into the more creative, intuitive and sensory brain regions. To try it, you simply come up specific sensory experiences or memories for each of the five senses. Start with your favorite tastes, imagining experiencing them in detail. Add in memories of your favorite scents, unrelated to the taste memory. Next, add in tactile sensations, like touching a kitten or holding a newborn. Then, call to mind the memory of sounds you love, like birds singing, wind chimes or the ocean. Finally, remember your favorite sights: a scenic overlook, a beautiful painting, or a loved one’s face. Try holding all these sense memories in your mind at the same time – this shifts your brain from thinking verbally to the peaceful state of Wordlessness.

To maintain a positive outlook, have 3 positive experiences for every 1 negative.In the field of Positive Psychology, researchers have determined to maintain a more positive outlook, you need to have 3 positive experiences for every 1 negative one, and interestingly, they found that the frequency is more important that the severity. You can leverage this, especially on tough days, by increasing the positive experiences in your day. Listen to your favorite music, take a favored snack with you to work, or wear your favorite color. Gratitude helps me, too, by keeping my focus on what I have rather than what I don’t have or don’t want.

Wishing you all a little extra happiness this week!

Pain and Suffering

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Buddha
Buddha at the Valley of the Temples, Oahu

“Pain in life is inevitable but suffering is not. Pain is what the world does to you, suffering is what you do to yourself. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” – first noble truth of Buddhism

This past Friday, I finally decided to have a root canal done. The tooth that has been annoyingly painful for the last six weeks or so had previously had a root canal, about 4-5 years ago. But it was acting up again, and when I mentioned it to my dentist, he took an x-ray and saw a shadowy area that indicated there was still infection. He referred me to a specialist, an endodontist, and she was great. I liked her and trusted her immediately. She was intelligent and caring, listening to my previous dental horror stories and believing me when I told her my mouth was difficult to numb.

I stressed about the procedure, but everything went fine (and nitrous oxide helps a lot for anxiety). What I wasn’t prepared for was the pain afterwards. I guess I’ve blocked out the memory from the last time. The endodontist did warn me I’d likely be in some pain and gave me a prescription, saying she’d done “major work” in there. I went straight to the pharmacy and waited to have it filled. While I waited, the local anesthetic she had given me was wearing off, and the pain became more and more excruciating. It’s hard to think straight when that kind of pain hits. All you can think is “PAIN! Ah, make it STOP! I can’t take it! Why is this happening to me? Is this amount of pain normal? It’s getting WORSE! How much worse is it going to get? Why are they taking so long to fill my prescription? AHHHH!”

Fortunately, one of my wise coaching colleagues reminded me in a message to use this as an opportunity to practice Wordlessness. In Martha Beck‘s latest book, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, she talks about different paths to Wordlessness, that state where you quiet the constant chatter in your mind. I’ve been practicing Wordlessness for months and can still only keep it quiet for a couple minutes at a time, but the value is incredible. I feel more peaceful and more clear-headed. While it isn’t one of my preferred methods for getting to Wordlessness, Martha does write about the “path of torment,” using those times when we are fatigued, hungry or in pain.

Having nothing to lose, I tried Wordlessness. I was amazed to “listen” to my thoughts in a detached way and then to get to the place where I could just let the pain be and not be IN the pain. This is difficult to describe in words (it’s called “wordlessness” after all!), but I can tell you that it’s easier to just deal with the pain. The escalating thoughts of anxiety and alarm make it worse.

I’m also reminded of my dear great aunt Sudie, who had severe scoliosis that twisted her back and hips. I have slight scoliosis and have experienced the pain it causes, as one side of your back’s muscles are stretched while the other side gets bunched up. But Sudie’s back was visibly distorted, and I can’t imagine the pain she must have been in on a daily basis. Pain often makes us short-tempered with others, and we may lash out at those closest to us. Not Sudie. She was always so loving and sweet, encouraging and patient. She was a model to me that although you may have pain, you don’t have to be one.

So, I was in pain. But I chose not to suffer. I also like to think that this kind of pain is healing, towards a better, new normal. Like washing out scrapes or cuts with clean water and soap, it stings, but you know it will keep out infection and help your body to heal stronger.

But the second night after the procedure, the pain got even worse. On a 1-10 scale, the pain was a 10, and I had to sleep propped up. I took the maximum amount of pain killers and put ice on my face, but I had a couple hours of excruciating pain where sleep just wasn’t possible. A few tears seeped out the corners of my eyes as I meditated, prayed and begged for relief. The next morning, that side of my face was swollen like I had the mumps, distorting my mouth and nose on that side. The swelling went all the way up to just under my eye. A weekend call to the endodontist got me some additional prescriptions, and I feel like the worst is over. Sometimes, pain is a signal that something’s not right. You have to know when to listen to your body and when to call for reinforcements.