What You Make It Mean

One of the keys to unlocking my attachment to my own thoughts that I learned in coach training a couple years ago was “What are you making that mean?” At first, my mind went in circles. “What do you mean, what am I MAKING that mean? It means what it means…doesn’t it? …What else could it mean?”

The brain likes to prove itself right, so when it comes up with a thought, it looks for evidence to prove it. The accumulated evidence then becomes cement for that thought to become a belief. Biologically, it creates a strong neural pathway, and when circumstances occur, the brain fires along those existing neural pathways to make sense of what’s going on. The left hemisphere of the brain in particular looks to the past to determine the future, so it’s always trying to comprehend what’s happening based on what has happened before.

But, as the saying goes, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” If you don’t like how things have been going and are ready for a change, it might be time to rewire your brain. If that sounds impossible, it might be because you’ve never done it before! Brain scientists have proven it is possible to create new connections, new neural pathways, in the brain. One of the simple (but not necessarily easy) ways to do this is to question your thoughts.

Of course, in order to question your thoughts, you have to be aware that you are not your thoughts. Awareness is a huge first step. Eckhart Tolle writes in The Power of Now about being “the watcher of your thoughts.” Try meditating and clearing your mind, getting to the quiet stillness between the thoughts. (I found this incredibly difficult at first and still can only maintain the stillness for brief periods.) If you find your brain spitting out all kinds of thoughts and ideas and to-do lists during this time, don’t despair – just notice. Imagine your thoughts going across your mind like a scrolling electronic ticker at the bottom of a television screen. Or imagine them floating away in bubbles.

Once you have become the watcher of your thoughts, simply ask “is that true?” and “could the opposite also be true?” and of course, “what am I making that mean?” Sometimes that’s all it takes to have a shift occur. However, I still find there are some subjects and beliefs that I am so attached to that it’s helpful to have an unbiased outsider to help me. This is one of the biggest benefits in hiring a coach.

Remember, you are the author of your own story. If you don’t like the story, you can change it.