triathlon

It’s the Journey

emilydownward

""Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it." ~ Eckhart Tolle

Our culture is very goal-oriented. It’s difficult to avoid this mindset, and although I remind myself to enjoy the journey, remind myself it’s not about the destination, I still fall into the usual, accepted way of measuring myself by my accomplishments.

This past weekend, I was participating in my 7th sprint triathlon. Last year was the first year I did 2 in one year; I usually do one annually. I know how to train for them by now, and while I’m not the fastest by a long shot, I give myself a personal goal of trying to best my previous year’s time. Some years, I just beat my time by a few minutes. I am proud to finish and proud to know I got a little better. Growing up, I was never an athlete, and I get a kick out of knowing and calling myself a triathlete now. They also remind me that I can do things I think I can’t.

Sunday morning, the day of the race…I’m feeling good, well-prepared, ready to go. The swim went well, and I found a steady rhythm. I completed the swim in my best time yet, and I headed out on the 14-mile bike course. This course is close to where I live, and I’ve been training on it at least weekly. As the miles pass by, I’m happy with my time and feeling good. I pass mile 8 and then Bam! I hit something and my back tire is flat. I pull over and one of the volunteers who is helping direct traffic helps me patch and reinflate the inner tube. At this point, I’ve lost at least 15 minutes. I’m off again, but within a few yards the tire is flat again. I try one more time to reinflate it, but it doesn’t work. I finally realize I’m going to have to accept that I can’t finish the race and start to walk my bike back.

My thoughts were swirling. The word “forfeit” tasted bitter in my mouth. It sounded like quitting. I don’t want to be a quitter! But of course, there was nothing I could do. I didn’t fail; my equipment failed. I did chastise myself for not having another inner tube or not being able to fix it better. (I learned later that whatever I hit had torn through the rubber tire, too. There was no way I could have fixed it at that point.) And of course, I thought, “Why is this happening to me?”

As I walked along – slowly, as bike shoes aren’t meant for walking – I watched all the other cyclists pass me. Soon, it seemed I was the only one left on the course, so I walked in silence. I noticed the beautiful corn field beside me and noticed and was grateful for the cloud cover above. I was trying to focus on the positive as much as possible, and I was also grateful that I wasn’t physically hurt. I wish I could tell you I was completely peaceful and serene, but I still had some processing to do. I cried a bit when the police officer came and picked me up to drive me back, and I got choked up admitting to the race director that I had to forfeit.

Even when we are completely prepared for something, when we’ve done all we can do, there’s still so much that is out of our control. I realized the other day (many days before the triathlon) that life gives you a series of lessons to teach you you’re really not in control. And then, it’s as if life asks you, how are you going to respond? What are you going to do now? That’s where our control comes in, in our response.

Open to Adventures

emilydownward

I’ve been leading a virtual book club this month for Martha Beck‘s newest book, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World. One of the benefits of holding this virtually is that participants come from varied places, from Canada, Austria, and multiple states in the U.S., including Alaska! I love how technology can be such a great convener.

This week’s topic focused on the Imagination section of the book, where Martha explains how humans can leverage our amazing minds to solve problems and puzzles. I particularly enjoy how she defines adventures as “actively inviting into your life a problem or puzzle you could just as easily avoid.” Adventures can be big or small, from trying out a new restaurant or finding a new route home, to moving across country or travelling to a different country.

I can relate to this, inviting new adventures into my life. And I realize I do it quite often! A part of me enjoys the challenge, whether it’s testing my physical limitations through a triathlon, learning a new skill like editing a podcast (working on this now – FUN!), or exploring new parts of this amazing world we’re on. My love for adventures is what sparked the idea to lead an urban retreat to New York City. And while I strive to do my best in any endeavor, I’ve experienced my share of setbacks, failures and face-plants. It’s not always easy, but the journey provides so much value.

As Martha remarks, “Willingly encountering unfamiliar situations, you maximize the experiences that, though often inconvenient and uncomfortable, trigger huge leaps of Imagination.”

It’s difficult to picture my life without the adventures I’ve had. Through the “good” and the “bad” (in quotations because those are really just labels), I’ve learned so much and each experience has shaped who I’ve become. Learning about different cultures, ideas or customs gives me opportunities to include new ways into my beliefs or strengthens my existing beliefs as right for me. Travelling to other countries and living in different parts of the U.S. has opened my world view and given me a greater appreciation for what I have, our beautiful planet, and the remarkable similarities among people everywhere. And whether I travelled alone or with others, I learned more about myself along the way.

If you’re feeling like you’re stuck, in a rut, or stymied by a particular problem, I encourage you to invite a little adventure into your life. Whether you choose to go somewhere you’ve never been (locally or globally), learn a new skill, or plan a big event, you will get a new perspective, and that just might be the shift you need to provide a solution for your problem.

When is Enough Enough?

emilydownward

“Our obsession with attaining prevents us from finding contentment. We strive to attain wealth and status and possessions, but there is no end to that desire to attain. It never ends. We’re never content. And so we strive for more, and never find enough. This has led to huge waste, huge inequalities, bad health, and a culture where we look out for ourselves and not for each other.”

– Leo Babauta, author of Zen Habits in an interview

Ooh, this totally resonates with me. I’m always looking towards the next horizon, the next goal, the next race. I like projects, especially completing them, but immediately upon finishing something, I’m on to the next project.

For some things, I find it very beneficial to have goals. After completing my first triathlon, I signed up for the following year. But then I moved to NYC and skipped a year. I realized that making that commitment to do the triathlon in June kept me motivated to exercise, especially for the six months prior to the event. The year I skipped…well, that’s when that fat pic was taken of me! So I’ve done it every year since, and even added a couple additional events this year.

Working with my own life coach this year, we talked prior to my annual triathlon. I told her how my goal each year is to beat my previous time, and this year I trained harder than ever before. I got discouraged when I got sidelined for a bit by viruses, a minor bike crash and work travel. I told her I was frustrated that I wasn’t doing enough training. She deftly asked, “What is ‘enough?'” By setting a goal for myself that was undefined, I would never reach it. She wisely reminded me, it’s the JOURNEY, not the destination, and encouraged me to remember why I do this — to keep myself motivated throughout the year, not just that one day.

And I’m trying to enjoy the in-between times, too. Instead of signing up for another event this fall, I’ve decided to still keep up my training (although not at such an intense level) but also add yoga and meditation time. Time to Just Be. And while I still struggle with my inner over-achiever, I’ve also learned to really enjoy the pleasures of taking time to sit by the river, take a nap, or enjoy long lunches with friends. My hope is that you can find and take some time out for yourself today, too.