“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
-Louise L. Hay
Sometimes, when what you’re doing isn’t working, the best thing to do is try something else. I am my own toughest critic, have been for years. Has it made me achieve more? It’s hard to say. I have achieved many things and driven myself to do a lot. But not taking care of myself, or giving away all my energy and care to others, doesn’t serve me well. I get burned out, exhausted, and even resentful. For someone who is a natural fit for a caretaker role, taking care of myself isn’t particularly easy. I tend to focus on giving to others. And being a super-giver also tends to attract super-takers, kind of like blood in the water attracts sharks.
It can be difficult to make the switch from self-criticism to self-love. Perhaps some of the criticism you now hear in your own head was first told to you by others you loved and respected, like parents, teachers, or a spouse. And it’s been playing over and over in your head like a tape. But that doesn’t make it true! In fact, it’s probably holding you back from your own greatness.
How do you create a new, more empowering tape? The first step is awareness — recognizing what you’re saying to yourself. When you look in the mirror, do you look for “flaws”? Do you tell yourself that you’re too fat? Too gray? Too old? When you don’t achieve a goal, do you berate yourself and tell yourself that you’re too stupid, unorganized or just a loser? Notice what you’re saying to yourself. Would you talk to anyone you love this way? Try telling yourself what you do like, what you do well, and giving yourself a break. It just may give you the confidence to try again.