success – Emily Downward

Finding Your Way

July 15, 2014emilydownward

I keep getting more and more reminders that success for each of us is really very individual. While we may look to experts or others who have “made it” for inspiration and ideas, we still have to find our own way. And for most of us, this requires quite a bit of trial and error.

I’m seeing this in my life in multiple areas. One is my diet. My body has become extremely sensitive to all kinds of foods – and “sensitive” is the nice way to say it violently rejects things that aren’t good for it. I’ve done some reading and research of why this might be happening. I found both medical and spiritual explanations for the cause, and there are numerous diets and cleanses all claiming to have the answer to fix it.

A part of me often wishes for, and looks for, an easy solution to things. I buy books and read articles online looking for The Answer. I find it comforting to learn and follow guidelines with an expected outcome. Unfortunately, someone else’s idea of The Way doesn’t mean it will work for everyone. I must try different ideas and processes, learning what works for me and what doesn’t, creating my own hodge-podge version with pieces of this and parts of that, mixed with my own preferences and style.

The same is true for my clients. Many times a new client will ask me what my process is, what steps I will take them through. And while I do have a set of tools I regularly teach and use, I don’t have one prescribed process I take everyone through. I value the uniqueness of each person’s strengths, challenges and journey, and I customize the sessions to best meet each client’s goals and current situation.

That’s one of the reasons I’m so excited about my new program, which I have whimsically called the Magical Mystical Tour. Rather than putting forward one way of thinking about how to use and leverage energy and intuition, I’m introducing you to five of my favorite practitioners of “the Woo.” Listening to each of these incredible women will give you a variety of styles and ways to explore. If you’re looking for a way to learn more about how to use energy in your life, this is a great way to get a sampling of several different ways.

As always, keep searching for the path that works best for you, realizing that it’s likely a unique one, just as you are a unique expression of the Universe. And if you find that you’ve somehow lost the trail, or that what you used to do is no longer working for you, I can help you find your way.

Staying In-the-Moment

August 7, 2012emilydownward

I was on vacation last week, watching the beautiful ocean and feeling amazingly grateful to get to swim with the fish, but I missed quite a bit of the Olympics. I effectively unplugged, though, so I was able to shield myself from much of the results. I’ve enjoyed catching up on all my recordings and watching an overload of Olympic events since I’ve been back. I so admire these exquisite athletes and love watching them charge towards their goals and dreams. The triumphant smiles and tears of joy give me goose bumps.

One of the things I’ve noticed across events is the value of staying in the present moment. Several of the athletes have mentioned it, how they have to get out of their heads, not over-think things. I believe it’s been the deciding factor for many of the athletes. Watching the gymnastics, you can almost see it on their faces, whether they are thinking or whether they are fully focused on the element as they are doing it. When one of the gymnasts had a fall or an error, the ability to stay focused became even more important, not to let the internal dialogue take over but to continue to finish the routine in the way they had practiced thousands of times.

I think the ability to stay present is not only critical to success, it is also a key element in happiness. On my recent vacation, my nephew lamented on Day 2 that we only had 3 days left. In his mind, he was already leaving! While what he said was true, I reminded him that it was also true that right at that moment, we were in paradise, that “today” we would get to snorkel with the fish.

I had to chuckle at my nephew. I’ve been guilty of looking ahead so much that I miss what’s right under my nose, too. Other times, I’ve focused too much on looking back. And while it’s valuable to review what happened to make changes to your technique and approach for the future, and it’s definitely valuable to look ahead for planning and setting goals, the only thing we ever have is Now. This moment is the only one you are living right now.

Right now, find something you are grateful for. (If nothing else, you’re breathing – your body is effortlessly pulling in oxygen and sustaining life. You’re reading – your eyes and brain are working in magnificent symphony to comprehend.)

Right now – or, right after you finish reading this! – focus on the task in front of you. Write down other ideas or other tasks on your To-Do list to help clear your mind to stay present.

So channel your favorite Olympian and remember to stay focused. You’ll be less stressed, more focused and more likely to gain success and happiness.

Work Success Secret #3: Shift Your Focus

July 24, 2012emilydownward

This is the third in a series of posts designed to provide you with tips to be more successful at work, despite the increasing demands that are occurring across industries and across job titles. In the first post, I talked about creating, setting and communicating boundaries (Set Your Hard Limits). I covered how I learned this the hard way, and realistic, small ways to begin to enforce your own limits. The second post talked about shifting your physical state out of fight-or-flight mode to access your creative mind (Nourish Your Creativity). I provided a couple of easy ways to calm and center yourself. This third post is all about your focus.

Through my life coach training and in my continuing studies, I’ve been fascinated to learn more about how the brain works. Our brain is constantly adapting to our environment, our responses and our thoughts. When we think a thought, our brain likes to prove itself right, so it looks for evidence to back up this thought. So whether we think “I work with a bunch of idiots” or “I work with some really great people,” your brain will be focused on finding evidence to prove either one. (Which thought do you think is going to make you enjoy your work more? You get to choose. And before you go defending yourself with “But Emily, I really DO work with a bunch of idiots!” notice my second thought said SOME great people.)

Thoughts that we think over and over again become beliefs. These are created over time, influenced by our families, our upbringing and our communities. Some of your beliefs may be more conscious than others, but regardless of whether you are conscious of them or not, they shape the patterns of your thoughts, and therefore, what you experience.

Right now, take a minute and jot down the first three words that come to your mind when you think about Work.

Surprising? I was blown away to discover some of my own undercover beliefs about work. The connections in my mind were not at all positive. (If you didn’t write down your own beliefs about Work, do it now. Just write the first things that pop into your head.)

If the beliefs you hold about Work do not match what you want for yourself (and mine sure didn’t!), try this: write what you’d like to experience and try to find evidence for it in your current job. For example, perhaps you want to experience fun at work.

Now your brain is used to its existing patterns. You’ve built up strong neural connections between work and the beliefs you wrote down, compiling evidence to support those beliefs for years. It’s completely natural for you to have resistance to this, but you can create new neural pathways, new ways of thinking. It’s like a brain teaser, so play with this idea for a minute.

If you consider “Work is fun,” try and come up with at least 3 pieces of evidence how this could be true. Perhaps it’s fun when you get to collaborate with certain people, or it’s fun when you finish a big project. The more evidence you find, the more this new idea will get cemented in your brain.

If you go into a situation looking for trouble, you’re bound to find it. But if you go looking to be amazed, it’s amazing what you’ll find.

Value

March 6, 2012emilydownward

My minister is doing a series of sermons on the Beatitudes, and one statement he made last week really stood out for me:

“Success doesn’t make you more valuable. Failure won’t make you less valuable.”

Wow. That hit me dead-on. I’ve always been a bit of an over-achiever, a perfectionist, pushing myself to achieve MORE.

But his assessment rings true for me because I believe, as C.S. Lewis so succinctly put it, “You are a soul. You have a body.”

So these two parts of me are a bit dissonant. On the one hand, I know that as a soul, I have value just as any other soul does. No more, no less. But on the other side, (supported strongly by our culture), I feel I must DO something to be valuable, and that DOING should be successful.

In Finding Your Own North Star, Martha Beck talks about how all major life transitions go through a cyclical course, what she calls the Cycle of Change. The third of four squares is called The Hero’s Saga, and it’s characterized by a series of attempts and failures. After all, as humans, we learn through trial and error. When I heard Martha speak on it, she talked about how this stage is similar to playing golf. You keep hitting towards the hole, hopefully getting closer and closer each time. Eventually, you succeed, but it usually takes a fair bit of missing first. The mantra for this part of the cycle is “This is a lot harder than I thought, and that’s okay.” (Of course, part of you doesn’t agree with the “that’s okay” bit — it feels entirely too long and frustrating, but the “that’s okay” is to remind you it’s a normal part of the cycle.)

It has been challenging for me to welcome failure, even though I know it’s good for me (on some level). Perhaps I still measure my value by how much I’m succeeding, versus how I am being.

What do you think? I’d love to hear if this rings true for you as well.