I’ve been in Seattle now for about seven months. Not long, if you consider that many people live in the same area their whole lives. But it seems like a good amount of time to me, after last year’s scattered approach of living in three different cities in seven months.
I’ve realized as I meet new people and begin developing friendships, I have the opportunity to redefine myself. Not that I’m pretending to be something that I’m not – at this point in my life, I’m comfortable with who I am at my core and comfortable sharing that with others – it’s that I’ve realized I have the opportunity to drop some of my own stories about who I am and the roles I’m carrying from the past that may not be serving me anymore.
For example, if I tell the story of living with chronic pain and hip injury, I am repeating that pattern for myself, setting myself up to play that role. Some days it’s easier to let go of that story than others, depending on my current level of pain, but, because each day is different, that in itself is a reason to define it in the moment rather than defining it by what it was.
If I continue to tell the story of myself as hurt, wounded, or a victim (and I’m speaking of more than just a physical injury – this could apply to a number of situations), not only do others see me in that light and mirror back to me that reality, I also continue to show up for that role.
Sometimes it helps me to get distance from an event or experience by imagining it as a play. Say for example, I am to play the role of the victim. The actors (my friends and family and those I interact with) have all been given their parts. They have their scripts of supportive comments, compassionate remarks, or suggestions for coping.
And then the play begins…but here, I have a choice: I can play the part as it has been written (based on my past experience and past story), OR I can choose to go off-script. Create a new role for myself. And everyone else will shift accordingly, like in an Improv.
Suddenly, there are so many new possibilities open to me and to the other players. I feel excitement and am eager to see what happens next.
How are you defining yourself? Are you happy playing the role you’ve chosen? And if not, what’s one small thing you can shift in the way you’re showing up? All it takes is a small shift to create a ripple of changes.