In the past couple months, my whole life has been turned upside down. Some might say everything fell apart; it could be that it’s falling together. I have become very aware that none of it is in my control, other than how I choose to react to it. I’ve been utilizing my coaching skills and my family, friends and extended network of coaches and energy healers to lean on. I wanted to take this opportunity to deal with this crisis differently than I ever have before.
What that looks like was first, allowing myself to feel all my emotions. There were lots of tears. I also experimented with meditation using mantras, Trauma Releasing Exercises, and Emotional Freedom Technique. All were very helpful, particularly in the most intense times where I felt like I was drowning in the powerful emotions I was feeling. What I didn’t want to do was stuff the feelings. I know stuffing is only a temporary solution, at best, and the energy of those emotions gets channeled in other ways, often causing extreme distress on our bodies.
In the state of extreme emotion and grief, I found I couldn’t make very good decisions, if I could make decisions at all. This is unusual for me, as I’m generally very decisive, but it’s not unusual for grief. My mind still struggles with “figuring it all out.” My thoughts tell me I’ve “had enough time for this grieving sh*t, that it’s time to make moves and DO something.” When I listen to that voice and go through the motions of making plans, I get completely overwhelmed and indecisive. Basically, my heart isn’t ready. Even though my mind thinks it knows best, I’m listening to my heart this time.
Not being able to make big decisions (or even medium-sized ones), I had to take my vision from eagle view down to mouse view. At first, I could only plan day-to-day. I’m now up to week-to-week and moving up to a couple weeks at a time. The only focus for this time is to answer for myself, “What sounds good next?” It may sound too simple, but when you’re in extreme grief, keeping things simple is good. It’s the only thing you can do, really. And when thinking about the long-term decisions gets overwhelming, it’s been extremely comforting to me to bring my attention to the present moment, reminding myself that for today, I have what I need: food, shelter, loved ones, enough money. I have enough for now. This shifts me into a state of gratitude, rather than panic and worry, and it feels so much more peaceful, as well as a better state from which to create a life that I want.
The other critical factor for me during this time period has been reaching out for help. I generally consider myself as someone who is very independent and self-reliant, and I love helping others…I’m not so good at asking for and receiving help. A dear friend and mentor told me in times of grief, we tend to isolate ourselves, when in actuality, it’s the time when we need communities the most. So I have reached out, again and again, and I’ve been given so many gifts of love, friendship, support, from phone calls and emails to shared meals and warm beds to stay in. In losing what I thought was “the love of my life,” I’ve found SO much love in my life. In losing my home, I’m remembering what it’s like to come home to myself, in a soul sense.
I’m still on the journey, still figuring things out as I’m able to, but I can see light on the horizon. The sun is breaking through the clouds of this dark time, and I know that all is well.
