overwhelmed – Emily Downward

Tips for Dealing with Overwhelm in Your Thinking

March 2, 2015emilydownward

I work with a lot of people who are dealing with overwhelm, whether that’s at work — trying to manage incredible pressures and responsibilities, not to mention that never-ending Inbox — or in their personal life — when everything falls apart and you don’t know where to begin to put the pieces back together again.

Overwhelm is defined as being overcome completely in mind or in feeling. It’s a state I’ve had quite a bit of personal experience with, and through experience and my coach training, I’ve learned some great tools to help me and my clients move through it. This blog post will focus on overwhelm in the mind, and I’ll share in another blog post about overwhelm in feeling.

Overwhelm in the Mind

When you are experiencing overwhelm in mind, or in your thoughts, it seems like your thoughts are racing and constantly churning. It may be difficult to sleep, to shut off your brain. When I’m experiencing this, here’s what I do:

1. Make a list of all the things on my “to do’s” – Getting all the things I have to or want to do out of my head and onto a list helps clear my mind because I don’t have to spend time remembering them. I also get satisfaction and a sense of completion when I can cross things off my list.

2. Prioritize – Looking at my list of to-do’s, I choose not only those which are the highest priority, but also those that will give me the highest return. Consider a 2×2 matrix of importance and urgency, which I learned years ago (attributed both to former President Eisenhower and Stephen Covey):

Obviously, the top right, those items which are high in importance and high in urgency are critical. But we tend to choose based on urgency, and often spend our precious resources (time and energy) in that bottom right corner (low importance, high urgency), when it would be better served in the top left (high importance, low urgency).

3. Meditate – It may seem like a waste of time to meditate when you already have lots to do, but I have found if I can take 15-30 minutes to meditate and still the racing thoughts, I end up with so much more clarity and focus that I’m much more productive afterwards.

4. Breathe – I know, it’s an automatic thing that you don’t have to think about, but when you’re in a state of overwhelm, you’re more likely than not going to be breathing very shallowly. The easiest and quickest way to get a little more peace into your body is to take three deep breaths. Relax your belly and breathe deeply and evenly. Do it three times, and your body gets the signal that you’re not in immediate danger. It shifts the chemicals in your body and mind and allows you to then access more of your creative brain.

If you’re experiencing overwhelm in your thoughts, I invite you to try these tips for a quick fix. And if your overwhelm has become a persistent habit that you’d like help shifting, consider scheduling a free 30-minute sample session with me for coaching.

Work Success Secret #2: Nourish Your Creativity

July 17, 2012emilydownward

Have you been feeling increased pressure at work? One of the effects of the economic downturn has been for companies to create leaner teams, so if it feels like there are less people to do the same or more work, you’re not alone. In addition, we have amazing technology which allows us to be connected 24/7. Great in so many ways, especially in an emergency or if you get lost, but it doesn’t allow for much, if any, down time. Western society is so busy, and there’s a constant pressure to do more, more, more! It’s exhausting, and it takes a toll on your body. It also takes a toll on your ability to be creative. This is the second of three posts of what you can do for yourself in this situation.

Our bodies are designed to respond to times of stress by shifting our hormones, getting us prepared for fight-or-flight. It was very helpful when we were in caveman and cavewoman days. When a saber-toothed tiger showed up, we could leverage the burst of energy from our body’s response to escape. Some of the physical changes that occur include taking blood flow away from digestion to the muscles in your arms and legs, increased heart rate and respiration. The brain also shifts function from the outermost layer, the cerebral cortex, to the inner, more instinctual parts. When the danger had passed, we would breathe a sigh of relief – a physical way to tell your body the time for fight-or-flight is over, and your body could release the stress hormones and go back to calm.

Although the dangers in our lives have changed, our bodies still react the same way. I frequently talk to clients who experience stress at work and describe a sense of panic. I can hear over the phone their breathing is shallow and fast, and many people notice their heart beating quickly. The “tigers” today are constantly ringing phones, over-booked calendars and schedules, and never-ending email. (I remember when I was in the corporate world my set-point for email was to try and keep it under 100 or less unread. Most of the emails I received needed a response from me, and the incoming volume was more than I could keep up with. 100 was significant, but I really noticed my stress levels skyrocketing when it got above that.) The New York Times recently covered the issue of the insane amount of emails that are sent and received and noted how it is a major cause of stress.

Unfortunately, this fight-or-flight state of being shifts you out of your creative mind and makes you less productive. The brain is focused on survival and can’t make the connections and associations that create new ideas. And our work is not just demanding that we do more, more, more, they also want you to be brilliantly creative and conceptualize the next big thing. Or in fields like medicine and science, the creative brain is key to solving puzzles and treating patients with unique combinations of symptoms or conditions.

The simplest and quickest way to shift your body and brain out of the fight-or-flight mode is through breathing. Our breathing is the one thing that can be either automatically controlled, such as during sleep or fight-or-flight, or controlled by our conscious decision. By taking a few minutes to focus on your breathing, consciously drawing in a deeper breath and releasing it more slowly, your body will realize you are safe and you will be able to access your amazingly creative side. An easy way to do this is to breathe in to a count of 5 and breathe out to a count of 5. Do at least 3 inhalation and exhalation cycles.

I would suggest adding “Breathe” reminders to your calendar or phone. While this may seem ridiculous – who forgets to breathe??? – taking a short time-out several times a day can have amazing benefits to your physical and mental processes. If you want to take it to the next level, take 15 minutes to do a brief meditation or take a short walk outside. (I call these my non-smoking breaks.) While this doesn’t change the stressors in your work life, it can change your perception of them and therefore reduce your stress level. And your creativity should get a boost as well.

Work Success Secret #1: Set Your Hard Limits

July 10, 2012emilydownward

I’ve been talking to a lot of people lately about the increasing demands at work. It’s happening across industries: more work for fewer people, and increasing levels of stress across the board. People are feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and overworked. I think companies are going to have to make a change in the way business is done, taking care of their people as their greatest asset, but this is the first post in a three-part series of what YOU can do as the employee.

For many years, I worked in the agency world: internet, marketing, public relations. There was always more work than people and time to do it, and an incredible number of emails, meetings and client demands. After one particularly devastating break-up, I threw myself into work to fill up the time that had been previously spent with my boyfriend and our mutual friends, spending extra hours at work as a distraction and a balm to my newly empty evenings. It worked…for awhile. But I began to feel burned-out, needing the balance of work and not-work. Unfortunately, I had done extra work for long enough that people were used to it. While some of my coworkers had to leave the office at a specific time to pick up kids from daycare or go to exercise classes, I became known as the one who could stay late. I was the go-to person for extra work, especially crunch-time work. Extricating myself from this was tricky, but I knew it was up to me. I had gotten myself into it, and I was determined to get myself out! I realized by watching my coworkers, and how the company responded to them, that I could set the boundaries on my time. So even though I couldn’t suddenly have kids to pick up from daycare, I began saying “I have a class tonight at 7:00. I have to leave here by 6:30.” Whether I had a class or not, I was making the commitment to myself, to my life outside of work.

I truly believe we are given lessons in life, and if you don’t get it the first time, life gives you multiple opportunities to learn the same lesson again. Setting boundaries is one of those lessons I’ve had to practice several times before getting it, and it’s a constant one. You may go through times where you establish your boundaries well and have them respected, and other times where you give a little here and there for a period of time (like during a particular project or new business effort), and then you must re-establish your boundaries again.

As a single person, I saw that my colleagues with children knew they had to do this. Daycare closes at a certain time. Other colleagues who commuted knew they had to leave to get a particular train. But it’s important for everyone to know and set your own limits, boundaries for your time.

If you’re thinking, “Emily doesn’t understand. We’ve had layoffs, and I’m fortunate enough to still have a job. I have to do whatever they ask to show I’m a hard-worker. I have to keep this job!” While I don’t know the particulars of your specific workplace, I can tell you that you can’t keep waiting for the company to change. As Gandhi said, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” Start small: instead of eating at your desk, take lunch outside of the office one day a week. Leave the office a little earlier than you usually do one day a week. (I’m guessing you’re working a great deal more than 40 hours/week, and I’m not suggesting you try to cut below 40, but how about 55 instead of 60?)

In my experience, the company will take as much as you’re willing to give. The company will not tell you, “You shouldn’t work so hard. You should take off early and go spend some time outside.” But YOU know what you need, and it’s up to YOU to communicate your limits.

Making Your Brain Work FOR You

May 15, 2012emilydownward

I like to include a picture with each post. How do you show “enough” in a picture? Oh well, I like turtles.

“How you do anything is how you do everything.” ~ Derek Sivers, incredibly successful entrepreneur, author of Anything You Want

I knew starting my own business would be challenging, and it has been. There are lots of unknowns, many things I had (and still have) to learn as I go. One of the most unexpected and interesting learnings for me has been about myself.

I honestly didn’t realize how much pressure I put on myself. All the time.

Being a coach puts my analytic powers to good use. I use the tools I learned through training on myself daily, digging in to understand what’s motivating me, what’s holding me back, what is causing me frustration or stress. A lot of the frustration and stress I experience is completely due to the thoughts in my head. While this is somewhat annoying (why do I DO that?), I also know how to change it.

One of the thoughts that is on the frequent playlist in my head is “I’m not doing enough.” This can apply to many areas of my life: triathlon training, housework, family time. (The way we do one thing is the way we do everything.) But I’d like to share how it shows up in my work life. I hope that by sharing this, you may gain some insight and relief in your own work life.

What I’ve realized is that this thought comes up regardless of where I work, who I work for, or what I’m working on. And while it may seem like this is a motivating thought that makes me do more, more, more (and therefore achieve more, more, more), that’s not the case. When I have the thought that I’m not doing enough, it’s demoralizing. I feel overwhelmed and feel like it’s impossible to achieve. And it is. “Enough” must be defined, or it is always an impossible goal.

I’ve learned that the brain always tries to prove itself right. It constantly looks for evidence to support its thinking. So if I’m thinking “I’m not doing enough,” I can find piles of papers that need to be filed, unfinished projects, and of course there’s always the never-ending email inbox. All these pieces of evidence support that faulty thought.

But turn it around. After defining for yourself (understanding that your boss likely has some input) what “enough” is, find evidence for how you ARE doing enough. For me, I set aside a number of hours a day and a week to work on my different projects. I make a list of to-do’s (I get much satisfaction from checking them off!). I set deadlines for myself and meet them. And I focus on what I’ve accomplished instead of what I haven’t yet.

The other key to making my brain work for me instead of against me…reminding myself why I’m doing this. I’m an entrepreneur because I wanted more flexibility. I wanted to do something that helps people. And because coaching makes me happy. So I can ask myself: did I take advantage of the flexibility of my job today? Did I help someone today? Am I happy? And if the answer to those is yes, then I can put my over-active brain at ease: I did enough.

Do you need help identifying where you might be overworking yourself? I help professionals set and achieve goals that really matter to them. I can help you love the job you’re in or make a plan to create a job you’ll love.