overwhelm

Tips for Dealing with Overwhelm in Feeling

emilydownward

Emily Downward Life Coaching - Overwhelm EmotionWhen you’re overwhelmed by feeling, such as grief, anger, sadness or frustration, it may seem like it will never end. We have a natural tendency to resist these feelings, to stuff them or avoid them, and we may turn to things like food or alcohol to avoid feeling them. As Carl Jung wisely pointed out, “What you resist persists.” Pushing those feelings away or stuffing them deep inside only makes them stick around all that much longer. So how can you deal with them?

1. Feel them – Emotions are energy in motion, and they will pass through you if you allow them to. Brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor noticed this when she was recovering from her stroke and no longer had the option of avoiding emotions. She felt each one pass through her and noticed it went through her body in about 90 seconds. When I’m in overwhelm in feeling, it may take me longer to process emotions than 90 seconds, so I try to find time when I can allow myself to fully experience  what I’m feeling. And I like to remember Winston Churchill’s quote “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

2. Find ways to simplify – When I have experienced this kind of overwhelm, I have little to no ability to make decisions. Even the simplest decisions, like what to eat for lunch or what to wear, can seem overwhelming. To help myself create space to process my emotions, I simplify or eliminate the necessity of making small decisions. For example, I’ll make a large pot of butternut squash soup and eat it for lunches for the week, varying a side fruit or vegetable if I need variety.

3. Use music to soothe the soul – I am very moved by and affected by music, and I’ve found I can use it to help me get through overwhelming emotions. When I was going through a rough period of grief, I created a playlist I called “Recovery” that included songs that tapped into the sorrow as well as songs which spoke to empowerment. I also have certain songs I listen to (and sing loudly to) when I’m feeling intense anger or frustration.

4. Incorporate movement – As energy, emotions want to flow, and it can be helpful to incorporate action to help them move through your body. While some get significant release from running, others may find that the gentle movements of yoga or Tai Chi are more effective. Even taking a brief walk can help you to move stuck energy.

5. Give yourself loving kindness – The practice of loving kindness comes from the Buddhist tradition, and I love its simplicity and effectiveness. Loving kindness always begins with the self – sending yourself love, peace, wellness. From there it moves to those you love, and finally those you are in conflict with. One version of loving kindness is:

May I be safe. May I be well. May I be at peace.

May you be safe. May you be well. May you be at peace.

May we be safe. May we be well. May we be at peace

I learned a song version of this and recorded it to share with others: listen to the Metta Sutta.

If you’re currently in the throes of overwhelming emotion, I encourage you to treat yourself gently, and give yourself time to move through your feelings. The more you lean into it, the faster you get through it. And if you need help, consider scheduling a free 30-minute sample session with me for coaching.

Tips for Dealing with Overwhelm in Your Thinking

emilydownward

overwhelm, life coach, life coachingI work with a lot of people who are dealing with overwhelm, whether that’s at work — trying to manage incredible pressures and responsibilities, not to mention that never-ending Inbox — or in their personal life — when everything falls apart and you don’t know where to begin to put the pieces back together again.

Overwhelm is defined as being overcome completely in mind or in feeling. It’s a state I’ve had quite a bit of personal experience with, and through experience and my coach training, I’ve learned some great tools to help me and my clients move through it. This blog post will focus on overwhelm in the mind, and I’ll share in another blog post about overwhelm in feeling.

Overwhelm in the Mind

When you are experiencing overwhelm in mind, or in your thoughts, it seems like your thoughts are racing and constantly churning. It may be difficult to sleep, to shut off your brain. When I’m experiencing this, here’s what I do:

1. Make a list of all the things on my “to do’s” – Getting all the things I have to or want to do out of my head and onto a list helps clear my mind because I don’t have to spend time remembering them. I also get satisfaction and a sense of completion when I can cross things off my list.

2. Prioritize – Looking at my list of to-do’s, I choose not only those which are the highest priority, but also those that will give me the highest return. Consider a 2×2 matrix of importance and urgency, which I learned years ago (attributed both to former President Eisenhower and Stephen Covey):

Prioritization Matrix - Importance and Urgency

Obviously, the top right, those items which are high in importance and high in urgency are critical. But we tend to choose based on urgency, and often spend our precious resources (time and energy) in that bottom right corner (low importance, high urgency), when it would be better served in the top left (high importance, low urgency).

3. Meditate – It may seem like a waste of time to meditate when you already have lots to do, but I have found if I can take 15-30 minutes to meditate and still the racing thoughts, I end up with so much more clarity and focus that I’m much more productive afterwards.

4. Breathe – I know, it’s an automatic thing that you don’t have to think about, but when you’re in a state of overwhelm, you’re more likely than not going to be breathing very shallowly. The easiest and quickest way to get a little more peace into your body is to take three deep breaths. Relax your belly and breathe deeply and evenly. Do it three times, and your body gets the signal that you’re not in immediate danger. It shifts the chemicals in your body and mind and allows you to then access more of your creative brain.

If you’re experiencing overwhelm in your thoughts, I invite you to try these tips for a quick fix. And if your overwhelm has become a persistent habit that you’d like help shifting, consider scheduling a free 30-minute sample session with me for coaching.