“I’ll Be Happy When…”

I have spent so much time looking ahead, looking forward to my next achievement. “I’ll be happy when I have ________” is what runs through my head. There are two problems with this way of thinking. One, I’m not in the present moment, grateful for and happy with what I have now (and all we have is Now). And two, when I get my fill-in-the-blank, I often find I’m not as happy as I thought I’d be.

“Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment.” ~ Thich Nhat HanhAt least I’m on to myself. I know I tend to do this future focusing. When I catch myself, I bring myself back to the present by breathing and focusing on my body. Then I find as many things as possible in my current reality that I’m grateful for. Sometimes, when you’re in a really sucky place, this could be a simple thing like the fact you’re still breathing or that the sun is shining. Anything that shifts you into a state of gratitude works!

The only reason we want things (or to achieve things) is because we want how we think it will make us feel. Ask yourself, “What will I feel when I get __________?”

As I work on growing my business, I’m in a pattern of trying and failing, trying and failing, trying and nearly succeeding, etc. There have been some successes (more things to be grateful for!), and I’m learning TONS along the way. I am still dedicated to my vision. I know in my heart I’m in the right job to best use my talents. Still, the failures and near misses are currently more prevalent than the successes. When I get discouraged, I remember the value in going back to the basics: What do I want, and what will I feel when I get that?

When I’ve identified what I want, I can go about breaking that goal into smaller steps and then taking those steps to get closer to the achievement. Equally important for me is the feeling state. When I know what feeling I’m looking to achieve, I can find ways to achieve that now, while I’m still taking steps towards my goal.

For example, one of the things I want to include in my coaching is to work with companies to help teams have more passion and joy in what they do, creating teams that work well together, and creating more success and efficiency for both the individual and the company. I have a clear vision of what it looks like, what type of people would hire me, and what kind of coaching tools I would use to help them learn more about themselves and connect with their passion and joy. When I ask what I will feel when I’m doing this, the answers include joy, fun, pride in my work, and a sense of fulfillment in helping others. How can I feel these things now? I get all of this out of coaching people, but I also can tap into those feeling states by reading the testimonials my clients have written about me or volunteering. I try to regularly tap into joy and fun, whether it’s sharing laughter with a friend (like the kind of laughter my youngest niece had when she recently told her sister, “You laughed a toot right out of me!”) or watching a cute video online.

Goals are important, and I believe in having a strong vision for where you want to go. But equally important is enjoying your Now. Find ways to be thankful for where you are and what you have in the present moment, and find ways to feel what you want to feel then now, because there’s no time like the present to start feeling better.

Staying In-the-Moment

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're usually right." ~ Henry FordI was on vacation last week, watching the beautiful ocean and feeling amazingly grateful to get to swim with the fish, but I missed quite a bit of the Olympics. I effectively unplugged, though, so I was able to shield myself from much of the results. I’ve enjoyed catching up on all my recordings and watching an overload of Olympic events since I’ve been back. I so admire these exquisite athletes and love watching them charge towards their goals and dreams. The triumphant smiles and tears of joy give me goose bumps.

One of the things I’ve noticed across events is the value of staying in the present moment. Several of the athletes have mentioned it, how they have to get out of their heads, not over-think things. I believe it’s been the deciding factor for many of the athletes. Watching the gymnastics, you can almost see it on their faces, whether they are thinking or whether they are fully focused on the element as they are doing it. When one of the gymnasts had a fall or an error, the ability to stay focused became even more important, not to let the internal dialogue take over but to continue to finish the routine in the way they had practiced thousands of times.

I think the ability to stay present is not only critical to success, it is also a key element in happiness. On my recent vacation, my nephew lamented on Day 2 that we only had 3 days left. In his mind, he was already leaving! While what he said was true, I reminded him that it was also true that right at that moment, we were in paradise, that “today” we would get to snorkel with the fish.

I had to chuckle at my nephew. I’ve been guilty of looking ahead so much that I miss what’s right under my nose, too. Other times, I’ve focused too much on looking back. And while it’s valuable to review what happened to make changes to your technique and approach for the future, and it’s definitely valuable to look ahead for planning and setting goals, the only thing we ever have is Now. This moment is the only one you are living right now.

Right now, find something you are grateful for. (If nothing else, you’re breathing – your body is effortlessly pulling in oxygen and sustaining life. You’re reading – your eyes and brain are working in magnificent symphony to comprehend.)

Right now – or, right after you finish reading this! – focus on the task in front of you. Write down other ideas or other tasks on your To-Do list to help clear your mind to stay present.

So channel your favorite Olympian and remember to stay focused. You’ll be less stressed, more focused and more likely to gain success and happiness.