job stress

Finding Your Path to Achieve Your Goals

emilydownward

“Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence.” ~ Henry David ThoreauI’ve recently moved (yes, it’s my second cross-country move this year), and as someone recently said to me, “it’s great to move because you find all the stuff you forgot about, but it’s terrible to move because you find all the stuff you forgot about.” I’m definitely finding that to be the case and am more inclined than ever to be more minimalist in stuff.

One of my finds was an old journal from 3 ½ years ago. Taking a brief respite from unpacking, I flipped through it and read a bit, my own words taking me back to that time of frustration. “I wonder…am I running away or running toward? There’s currently a commercial for a financial company that plots a green line that directs you where to go to reach your goal. The direction changes based on the goal. I wish I knew which line to follow – or that there was a clear line to begin with. What are my goals? I’d like to make a difference, leave the world better somehow. Sometimes I wonder if that’s possible in my current frustrating job. There are times when I can so clearly see the changes and processes that are needed to make things better. But I feel powerless to make a difference or influence such a change.”

This is why I coach others who are struggling at work. I get it. I know what it’s like to feel like your shoulders are permanently up around your ears due to stress and your stomach churning with anxiety. I know how demoralizing it is to feel like nothing is ever enough, and all you ever hear is “more, more, more!”

So much of our life is spent at work, and I believe everyone deserves to enjoy that time. Sure, there are always tasks that are unpleasant or loathsome (time entry in the agency world comes to mind), but no one needs to feel trapped, consistently burned out, or stuck. I help people find joy and passion in their work, whether that’s in their current job or one that better utilizes their strengths. And through my work, I get to achieve my goal of making a difference, making things better for my clients, and I get to use my experience in the corporate workforce to influence positive change.

I believe you don’t need fixing. You have all the answers inside you. And I know from experience that coaching can help you uncover those answers more quickly than you may be able to on your own. It may not be as graphic as the green line from the commercial that leads you to your financial goal, but there are signs along the way, within you and around you, that can lead you to a happier, more fulfilling life.

What Energy Are You Bringing?

emilydownward
"I've learned that people will forget what you say, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~ Maya Angelou
With my lovely niece Paige

In work (as in life), there are some people you enjoy being around and easily collaborate with. And then there are others…some who don’t inspire you but don’t annoy you, and some that really frustrate you and become the motivation for happy hour or the face you conjure up in kickboxing class. Unfortunately, you can’t change other people, so that leaves you. Even small changes in your own behavior and attitude can have ripple effects on others, even those really frustrating others.

Science is beginning to explain what the poet Maya Angelou said so eloquently: “People will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” When brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor was recovering from a left-hemisphere stroke, she quickly realized the energy people brought with them into the room – everyone from family to healthcare workers – had a profound impact on her, especially since she was primarily using the right hemisphere of her brain, which focuses on the present moment and processes information intuitively. Dr. Taylor asked that everyone who entered her room be responsible for the energy they brought into it. (You can see Jill Bolte Taylor share her beautiful, heartfelt description of her stroke and the impact it had on her view of life in her TED Talk. It’s worth watching.)

Scientists have also discovered mirror neurons in our brains, which allow us to understand how others are feeling. Think of how your body reacts when you’re watching a scary or suspenseful movie, and how you may even jump physically when watching a surprise on screen. In one-on-one conversations, we affect each other on an energetic and emotional level, even if we’re not aware of it. If we approach someone with anger, they are more likely to respond in anger or defensively. And while we can’t change others energy, we can and have the responsibility of what energy we are bringing to a situation or encounter. If you remain in a state of peace and love, you are more likely to diffuse another’s anger. Being in that peaceful state also allows you to think more clearly and creatively. When we are in fight-or-flight mode, we don’t have access to the more creative, problem-solving portion of our brains.

I’ve found the quickest way to shift my energy is to take a few deep breaths (this relaxes your body and gets you out of fight-or-flight) and think of as many positive things about the person as you can. This changes your focus from what you dislike about them to what you do, even if it’s something your critical mind thinks is inconsequential, and helps you make a positive connection with them.

I’m not saying it’s always easy. Some people just know how to push our buttons, but the more you can stay centered and come with positive energy, the more successful the interaction will be.