inner wisdom

Finding Your Way Back to Knowing

emilydownward

Emily Downward - Path to KnowingWhen I began my life coach training program in January 2011, I had no idea that the journey I was beginning would completely change my life. To be honest, I hoped it would change my profession. (And it did.) But I didn’t realize the profound effects it would have on everything else. And I also believed that the journey would be the length of the program, about 9 months. However, the tools and skills I learned to help clients, as well as the direction to “live it to give it” and use the tools on ourselves, has changed how I approach every frustration, challenge, set-back, accomplishment and opportunity that comes my way.

A client recently asked me to share how I got to where I am now, and it is difficult for me now to relate to the woman I once was. There was a time, about 7-8 years ago, when I was so cut off from my feelings, both physically and emotionally. I was afraid to feel the pain that I thought would be never-ending that I numbed myself to it all. Unfortunately, you can’t selectively numb just the pain. In numbing – whether you choose to do it with prescriptions, legal or illegal substances or just stuffing your feelings – you also lose the ability to know at a deep level what you enjoy.

“Does that sound crazy?” clients ask me. “I don’t even know what I want.”

No, it doesn’t sound crazy. I’ve been there. And there is a way out of that place.

There’s a part of you that does know, that has always known. It doesn’t speak in words, so it is often overshadowed by the inner voice in our head that maintains a constant dialogue. We place so much emphasis and credibility on words, that the wordless knowing goes unnoticed.

I remember, back when I was disconnected from my inner knowing, from my spirit’s wisdom, when I would hear people say, “You have all the answers inside of you.” That would make me SO angry and frustrated. “NO I DON’T!” I felt like shouting, along with some choice profanity.

Sometimes, it helps to have a guide to take your hand, show you where the path is and how to find it again when you wander off. It’s my great joy to be able to do this work with others, to reconnect them with their inner wisdom, to help them find their path, and to teach them new ways to navigate this world.

When is the Right Time?

emilydownward
Ocean view
You choose the destination.

“Your journey has molded you for greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think that you’ve lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the Now. And Now is right on time.”– Asha Tyson

Often times I hear clients or friends asking, “when do you know it’s the right time?” They are often weighing their choices, trying to make a decision, like whether to stay or to go, from a job or a relationship.

And that’s when I pick up my magic 8 ball…wouldn’t it be great if we had something so definitive like that toy? But how many times have you played with a magic 8 ball and when you didn’t get the answer you wanted, you shook it and tried again?

So often I talk to people who try to find their answer in items like magic 8 balls, horoscopes, psychics, or by polling their friends and family. And “life coach” is one more person they ask for the answers. But my job is not to tell you what you should do. Rather than spend all that time searching for the answer in others, I recommend going within yourself. I believe we all have the answers we need inside. It takes getting quiet and listening, maybe journaling, and paying attention to what people, places, activities and things really make your heart sing. As a life coach, I have learned from amazing teachers and have some great tools to get you in touch with that inner wisdom, and I can support you on that journey. But you decide what the destination will be.

So if you’re going to flip a coin to make your decision, ask yourself – which way do you hope it lands? And if the “right decision” could truly be determined by a coin toss or a magic 8 ball, would you follow it’s direction? What’s really holding you back?

Maybe Now is the right time. Maybe there’s never a “right” time. What do you want to create in this one, beautiful, amazing life of yours?

Tuning Into Your Body’s Wisdom

emilydownward
Nature and retreats like this one relax my body.

“I believe your body knows a lot more than your mind about the life you’re supposed to live.”

– Martha Beck, Finding Your Own North Star

I started working my first job after college having a sense of determination that I would work my way up the ladder of success, getting more responsibility, more senior titles and more pay. After all, I had gone through the educational system where you do just that, advancing to higher levels with each achievement. And for awhile, I did that. At my first job, at the headquarters of a national non-profit, I was promoted several times over my five-and-a-half year tenure and did very well. Then I decided to switch to the marketing side of things and went to an agency where I stayed for just over seven years. Again, I was promoted and continued to strive for higher positions, more responsibility, and management. Leaving there, I was recruited by another agency that tempted me with an even higher title and pay.

I never really asked myself if I truly wanted to keep moving up. I just assumed that’s what a person did who was successful.

And somewhere along the way, I stopped listening to my body. Before I left a company, I knew there were things that I wasn’t happy with, but I didn’t really connect the symptoms my body was producing as anything more than signs of physical illness or disease.

At that first job, I started taking antidepressants. While I don’t take them now, I do feel like these drugs can be life-saving and can make the world of difference for those who need them. At that time, it was as if someone had taken off the black-out shades in my life. It was amazing! I also started talk therapy and learned some healthy coping skills, but the drugs were so effective and easy that when, a couple years later, I started having anxiety attacks and additional depression symptoms, I went to my doctor for additional drugs. [Note to self: More is not always better!] While the drugs kept me out of the deep abyss of depression where it was hard to function, they also numbed my emotions a bit. I honestly didn’t want to feel what I was feeling, and at that point, I just took more to numb more. When I left that job, I did lower my dose again, although it was years before I was brave enough to try coping without them.

The next interesting symptom my body threw at me was IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). I won’t go into details but will sum it up by saying it’s not pleasant! IBS stayed with me for several years, always flaring up during periods of high stress.

The third symptom was back and hip pain. I assumed this was due to my mild scoliosis, diagnosed when I was a teen and always causing an achy pain in my lower back. But it was getting worse, including intense pain between my shoulder blades and my right hip completely giving out when I tried to put weight on it. After seeing several doctors who said that there was no treatment and that I should just “learn to live with the pain,” I got immense relief from chiropractic care. However, it wasn’t a permanent solution, and again, the pain would flare up, often during stressful times.

The thing that helped the most with all of this? Learning from teachers like Martha Beck that the unconscious mind communicates in symbols, sometimes using the body as it’s canvas, acting out its messages. The pain, muscle cramping and other irritable symptoms were my body’s way of telling me I was off course. WAY off course. After all, “disease” is “dis-ease.” My body was screaming at me. The more I ignored it, the more inventive it got to try to get my attention. Muscle spasms locking my neck or shoulders up to the point I couldn’t sleep or turn my head were probably the most painful and impossible to ignore.

I am happy (and relieved!) to report that I no longer have these symptoms. And now, I’m also starting to get some really cool and good feeling messages from my body, signs that I am on the right course. I do still get occasional twinges of pain in my back or hip, and when I feel them, I know it’s time to investigate. What am I avoiding? What’s my body trying to tell me? The message may be that I need to stretch or get some exercise, but it also may be that I’m not being honest with myself about how I’m feeling.

I’d love to hear about your experience: have you noticed this in your life? How does your body “talk” to you?