giving up

The Thing about Stuff

emilydownward

I’ve recently completed my fourth cross-country move in 12 months. (Yes, I’m exhausted and the sight of moving boxes sends me into fight-or-flight mode.) I’ve found a nice little place to start my new home on a quiet street in North Seattle. I love the quiet. I am glad to have my own space. And, I could describe my apartment as Cozy.

The truth is, it’s small.

Or, I have too much stuff.

I have been battling the boxes, unpacking them and trying to find a place to put everything, and noticing how creative I can get with the space I have. Finally, though, I had to admit, there is NO MORE SPACE. Every drawer is filled, every closet packed, every cabinet has enough in it.

I’m not a hoarder, and I purge my things at least yearly, going through my closet to identify anything I haven’t worn in a year – besides the Halloween costumes. You never know when you might need to reprise one of those – and combing through the vast collection of bathroom items I seem to collect, including soaps, makeup, skin care samples, aromatherapy, lotion, hair products, travel size toiletries,… you get the idea.

So I’ve been purging more, but I reached a point at which I can’t get rid of much else and I STILL have too much stuff. And it’s stuff I either need to keep (like paperwork that needs to be kept for a few more years) or want to keep (like my Christmas decorations and the china from my great aunt). I realized I have two options: allow it to be piled in an anti-feng-shui manner in corners, OR admit I need more space and rent a damn storage unit.

What's the kindest thing you can do for yourself right now?After trying option 1 for nearly a week, I realized how much this Stuff is getting to me. It stresses me out! One of the questions I love to pose to clients is, “What’s the kindest thing you can do for yourself right now?” Initially, the answer was that it was kinder not to have to think about a storage unit. I didn’t want to pay a monthly fee and really wanted to try and achieve some minimalism ideal. But this week the answer changed to Admit I can’t do any more with what I have and rent some space. Immediately, I felt better. Lighter. Less stress. Ah…

I think many of us do this to ourselves a lot. Life serves us up a challenge (stress), and we Try To Solve It! We go into work-mode. The I-can-do-it and the try-harder mode. And we have pressed our nose to the grindstone so hard that we can’t see the solution: Give Up. It sounds so easy, so lazy, like you’re not trying hard enough. But where has all the trying got you?

Obviously, it’s a balance between trying and giving up that’s the true answer. For me, (and perhaps some of you dear readers) a little more giving up is not only the kinder way to go, it’s also where the solution lives.

Are You Ready to Let It Go?

emilydownward

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” ~ Ann LandersBudgeting is a skill most of us learn through trial and error. We learn how to budget our time to get necessary tasks completed. We learn how to budget our energy, recognizing that some activities and people replenish us while others drain us. And we learn how to budget our resources, which can include time and energy as well as financial and creative resources. Occasionally, what looks like a good investment at first may end up to be a lost cause. And sometimes you’re smack in the middle of investing when you realize it’s better to cut your losses and redirect your energy.

I’m currently facing just this sort of dilemma…with a tooth. I’ve had my share of dental woes, but the majority of them are with one particular tooth. Tooth #12 has had a crown and two root canals over a period of 6-7 years, but the pain persistently returns. I was recently referred to an oral surgeon who gave me two options and posed the question to me, “How much more are you willing to invest in this? Are you ready to let it go?”

Perhaps it’s because I’m a life coach and I see everything as a great learning opportunity, but I couldn’t help but see the metaphor in this. I’ve spent a great deal of time, effort, money and dealt with a lot of pain from Tooth #12. We’ve drilled it, hollowed it out, given it new insides and outsides and all that’s really left is a shell. My mind jumped to times when I’ve done this with projects, jobs, and relationships.

If you’re feeling like you’ve done all you can to improve your situation, if you’ve contorted yourself to fit the needs of others to the point you hardly recognize yourself anymore, if you’ve tried babying it, medicating it, renovating it, and it’s still not working…perhaps it’s time to let it go. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • What do I want from this?
  • What am I getting out of this, as it currently stands?
  • What am I giving up to be in this?

You’ll know it’s time to let it go when what you’re giving up is more than what you’re getting out of it, or what you’re likely to get out of it. And more than likely, there are multiple ways to get to your ultimate goal, or what you really want. Perhaps you have to let go of the idea of one path to see the other roads that open before you.