focus – Emily Downward

Choosing Your Focus

January 29, 2015emilydownward

Emily_Downward_Coaching-Fisherman in Seattle — This man is not bothered by the gray sky melding into the gray sea at all.

When I told people I was moving to Seattle, several of them said, “You’ll hate it there! It rains all the time, and it’s so GRAY.”

I would just smile and reply, “It’s not for everyone.”

And while it does rain quite a bit in Seattle (especially this time of year), and the sky can be a dreary shade of gray, there’s also something more.

Green.

There is so much green here, from the green grass to the bright-almost-neon green of the mosses, the blue-green of the blue spruce, the Kelly green of the ferns, and the deeper shade of green in the Western Hemlocks. (Not to mention all the blue and green around town in support of the Seattle Seahawks.) When I walk through the forest, I’m awestruck by the lushness and the beauty, the evidence of life in everything around me.

Yes, Seattle is often gray. And, Seattle is very green. I think it’s a perfect example of the power of our ability to focus.

Emily_Downward_Coaching-pic of Seattle forest Our brains naturally look for the negative – being on the lookout for danger is a survival instinct we’re hardwired for. However, we can shift our perspective by consciously putting our attention on the positive. And what we give our attention and focus to grows. Are you focusing on what’s wrong? Or on what’s right? Which do you want more of?

Seattle also has several large bodies of water. There’s the Puget Sound, the Salish Sea, Lake Union, and Lake Washington. And when the sky is gray, the water reflects the gray. But when the sky is blue, the water becomes a beautiful shade of blue. Sometimes, we are like this. We unconsciously reflect back what we experience around us in the world. When people around us in the workplace or in traffic are stressed and angry, it’s easy to get angry and short with them as well.

But there’s another option. You can choose to be like the green growing things that are found throughout Seattle. Choose how you want to show up, no matter what the weather is like around you. $Emily_Downward_Coaching-pic of fractals in plant$

Finding Your Focus for 2014

January 8, 2014emilydownward

I like the opportunity of a new year. It is ripe for fresh starts, and the turn of the calendar reminds me of a clean slate to begin anew.

Perhaps it’s because I work in the self-help arena, but I have been bombarded with marketing messages to join new programs that promise to fix me. It’s exhausting and overwhelming. It could be overwhelming because of where I am in my life…I’m dreaming and scheming about what I want my Next to look and feel like.

Often, when I am searching for answers to those big life questions like “What do I do now?” or “What am I supposed to be?” I find myself signing up for classes, buying lots of books and consulting the Experts. I’ve done my share of that in the past few months, diving in and learning a lot. But interestingly, the answers to the questions I’m asking can’t come from outside of me. They have to come from inside.

So as I begin this new year, I find myself simplifying more. I have chosen to focus on a few key areas to learn more about that will help me personally and help me be a better coach. Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed, I remind myself of my focus and purpose for this year and question if the thoughts or activities I’m considering are in service with that purpose. If they’re not, I drop them and consciously choose to direct my thoughts and actions towards my purpose again. It’s only the second week, but I already feel clearer by doing this.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed already by all the demands on your time, all the goals you want to accomplish, and all the dreams you want to create in your reality, I invite you to simplify with me. Choose one or two ideas, concepts or activities you want to focus on. You can do this mentally, as I am, being aware of your thoughts and feelings and directing them back on track when needed. Or, you can write yourself reminders, posting a word or phrase in a place you will see it daily, like the bathroom mirror, your computer monitor or the refrigerator.

Wishing you a blessed and enlightening 2014.

Personal Independence

July 3, 2013emilydownward

Here in the U.S., we celebrate Independence Day tomorrow. I’m celebrating with my sweetie by travelling up to Portland where we’ll be attending the World Domination Summit over the weekend. (If you’re not familiar with WDS, it’s all about positive social change, started by author Chris Guillebeau. This will be my first year attending, and I’m excited about the planned content and speakers.)

What does independence mean to you? Is it about having enough money to do what you want when you want? Is it having time to rest, create and play? Is it being your own boss and setting your own schedule?

I have found it so helpful and illuminating to define exactly what I want. After all, if you don’t know what you want, it’s very challenging to chart your course to get it. I get most clarity by writing, so I make lists or descriptions of what I want in my journal, being as specific as feels good to me. It may sound simple, but it can be a very eye-opening because pesky thoughts about not being good enough or not being worthy may pop up as I begin to dream big. Cleaning up those thoughts (using Byron Katie’s The Work) helps me clear the path and get my brain to work FOR me instead of getting in my own way.

If independence doesn’t get your creative juices flowing, try defining success. Then make a list of what you want – it’s important to focus on what you want, not what you don’t, so write in the affirmative. If you’re feeling too separated from what you might really want, start with broad strokes and begin to notice what people, activities and events bring you energy and joy.

Mindfulness

August 28, 2012emilydownward

One of my mom’s cousins died unexpectedly a couple weeks ago.

A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with cancer and is awaiting treatment to begin.

And my dad is now home recuperating after a few days in the hospital.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily lives – completing work projects, keeping up with our emails, grocery shopping, dealing with traffic – it takes a major event to wake us up, to remind us what life is REALLY all about.

I believe we all have unique purposes here, as we are “spiritual beings having a human experience,” as French philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin put it. But whatever our different purposes, I truly believe we are supposed to be happy.

Sometimes “happy” seems difficult to achieve, particularly when life knocks you down. My mentor Martha Beck says, “This is not a world where it is possible to stay on track, it’s a world designed for us to lose the track and then wander around feeling morose until we find it again.” So we lose our footing. We realize we are so far away from happy that we’ve forgotten what happy feels like. But that realization is the first step back. You must have awareness before you can begin to make changes.

I think the major events that occur in life give us an opportunity to assess our lives. For me, as the fragility of life becomes more apparent in my awareness, I also become aware of what I value and what I am grateful for. With a stronger sense of what’s truly important, I can choose more deliberately how I spend my time and energies, what things I will focus on, and what things I will discard.

Staying In-the-Moment

August 7, 2012emilydownward

I was on vacation last week, watching the beautiful ocean and feeling amazingly grateful to get to swim with the fish, but I missed quite a bit of the Olympics. I effectively unplugged, though, so I was able to shield myself from much of the results. I’ve enjoyed catching up on all my recordings and watching an overload of Olympic events since I’ve been back. I so admire these exquisite athletes and love watching them charge towards their goals and dreams. The triumphant smiles and tears of joy give me goose bumps.

One of the things I’ve noticed across events is the value of staying in the present moment. Several of the athletes have mentioned it, how they have to get out of their heads, not over-think things. I believe it’s been the deciding factor for many of the athletes. Watching the gymnastics, you can almost see it on their faces, whether they are thinking or whether they are fully focused on the element as they are doing it. When one of the gymnasts had a fall or an error, the ability to stay focused became even more important, not to let the internal dialogue take over but to continue to finish the routine in the way they had practiced thousands of times.

I think the ability to stay present is not only critical to success, it is also a key element in happiness. On my recent vacation, my nephew lamented on Day 2 that we only had 3 days left. In his mind, he was already leaving! While what he said was true, I reminded him that it was also true that right at that moment, we were in paradise, that “today” we would get to snorkel with the fish.

I had to chuckle at my nephew. I’ve been guilty of looking ahead so much that I miss what’s right under my nose, too. Other times, I’ve focused too much on looking back. And while it’s valuable to review what happened to make changes to your technique and approach for the future, and it’s definitely valuable to look ahead for planning and setting goals, the only thing we ever have is Now. This moment is the only one you are living right now.

Right now, find something you are grateful for. (If nothing else, you’re breathing – your body is effortlessly pulling in oxygen and sustaining life. You’re reading – your eyes and brain are working in magnificent symphony to comprehend.)

Right now – or, right after you finish reading this! – focus on the task in front of you. Write down other ideas or other tasks on your To-Do list to help clear your mind to stay present.

So channel your favorite Olympian and remember to stay focused. You’ll be less stressed, more focused and more likely to gain success and happiness.

Work Success Secret #3: Shift Your Focus

July 24, 2012emilydownward

This is the third in a series of posts designed to provide you with tips to be more successful at work, despite the increasing demands that are occurring across industries and across job titles. In the first post, I talked about creating, setting and communicating boundaries (Set Your Hard Limits). I covered how I learned this the hard way, and realistic, small ways to begin to enforce your own limits. The second post talked about shifting your physical state out of fight-or-flight mode to access your creative mind (Nourish Your Creativity). I provided a couple of easy ways to calm and center yourself. This third post is all about your focus.

Through my life coach training and in my continuing studies, I’ve been fascinated to learn more about how the brain works. Our brain is constantly adapting to our environment, our responses and our thoughts. When we think a thought, our brain likes to prove itself right, so it looks for evidence to back up this thought. So whether we think “I work with a bunch of idiots” or “I work with some really great people,” your brain will be focused on finding evidence to prove either one. (Which thought do you think is going to make you enjoy your work more? You get to choose. And before you go defending yourself with “But Emily, I really DO work with a bunch of idiots!” notice my second thought said SOME great people.)

Thoughts that we think over and over again become beliefs. These are created over time, influenced by our families, our upbringing and our communities. Some of your beliefs may be more conscious than others, but regardless of whether you are conscious of them or not, they shape the patterns of your thoughts, and therefore, what you experience.

Right now, take a minute and jot down the first three words that come to your mind when you think about Work.

Surprising? I was blown away to discover some of my own undercover beliefs about work. The connections in my mind were not at all positive. (If you didn’t write down your own beliefs about Work, do it now. Just write the first things that pop into your head.)

If the beliefs you hold about Work do not match what you want for yourself (and mine sure didn’t!), try this: write what you’d like to experience and try to find evidence for it in your current job. For example, perhaps you want to experience fun at work.

Now your brain is used to its existing patterns. You’ve built up strong neural connections between work and the beliefs you wrote down, compiling evidence to support those beliefs for years. It’s completely natural for you to have resistance to this, but you can create new neural pathways, new ways of thinking. It’s like a brain teaser, so play with this idea for a minute.

If you consider “Work is fun,” try and come up with at least 3 pieces of evidence how this could be true. Perhaps it’s fun when you get to collaborate with certain people, or it’s fun when you finish a big project. The more evidence you find, the more this new idea will get cemented in your brain.

If you go into a situation looking for trouble, you’re bound to find it. But if you go looking to be amazed, it’s amazing what you’ll find.

3 Ways to Add More JOY

December 14, 2011emilydownward

“Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.”

– Helen Keller

Peace, Love & Joy. That’s what I wish for everyone, of every religion or non-religion as we bring 2011 to a close. I continue to cultivate these things in my life and in my mind and heart, and I thought I’d share three ways you can add more joy into your life this holiday season.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPDpszkLgWw]

1. Look at the world as if through the eyes of a child. Notice the wonder and amazement in a child’s eyes as they experience things for the first time, and take a moment to notice the beautiful and wonderful things around you.

2. Use the 3 B’s. When going through your to-do list, use the 3 B’s to help you get through: Bag it, Barter it, or Better it. If you can Bag it and not do it today (or maybe ever), do it! Bartering could be trading favors with someone else or hiring someone to do it. And bettering it can take on many forms. Think of your five senses — sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste — and how you might bring in something that delights you while you do your chore.

3. Focus on gratitude. Turn your attention to those things you are appreciative of, those things you want more of, instead of the things that frustrate you or add stress to your life. This helps you not only in the moment, by shifting your attention away from negative situations, but also helps by shifting your energy, which will bring more of the good things to you.

These are just three ways to add more joy into your life, but by no means are they the only three! I think you just can’t get enough of joy and would LOVE to hear your ideas for adding more joy in the comments.