energy management – Emily Downward

Energizers vs. Drainers

May 22, 2013emilydownward

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who energize you and people who drain you.

Those who energize you leave you feeling better. You catch a sense of their confidence in you and find yourself thinking more positively. You find time with them just flies by and you can’t wait to spend more time with them. And I’m not just talking about love relationships either. These are the people in your life that you always count among your blessings, who inspire you and provide a safe space for you to just be you.

And then there are the drainers, those people who, for whatever reason, zap the energy right out of you. They may be people who need constant reinforcement and attention, who always want more, more, more (the term hungry ghosts comes to mind – you can never fill them). Or they could be the downers in your life that always look for how things can never work out and give you all the reasons why you should worry, prepare for ultimate doom, and just give up now. Maybe you don’t know exactly why, but after spending time with them, you feel completely and utterly spent.

If you’re lucky, you can surround yourself in your personal and professional life with only those who energize you. More likely, you have some energizers and some drainers in your family, social circle and at work. So how do you keep the drainers from depleting your energy resources?

Awareness. It sounds so simple, and yet, if you’re not conscious about it, you can’t change it. Start noticing how you feel after interactions with different people.
Reduce exposure, where possible. Think of it like x-rays: a couple dental x-rays are okay, but you don’t want full-body radiation all the time. When and where you can, limit your time and exposure to the drainers. For example, I love my relatives dearly but some drain the life force right out of me. I try to reduce the duration of time I spend with them to a couple hours at any one time when possible.
Balance with energizers. We can’t always limit our exposure to the drainers, so find ways you can fill up your energy deficit by scheduling in time with people or activities that raise you up. When I was in the corporate world, even a quick walk around the block or taking the stairs instead of the elevator between floors gave me a chance to breathe and reflect.
Set a boundary. This may sound crazy, but try it with an open mind. I don’t know how it works, but I know it does. Before you encounter the drainers in your life, or at the beginning of your day, imagine a boundary around you, like an orb that completely surrounds you. The surface is semi-permeable: love can pass through. All other stuff is kept out. Try it and see if you can feel a difference.

I recently read a great analogy on energy that resonated with me. Think of your energy for each given day as a bowl with 24 beads in it. You get to choose how you want to spend them, but you only have so many. Make conscious decisions about how and on whom you want to spend your energy beads, and don’t forget to keep a few for yourself.

Managing Your Energy

January 31, 2013emilydownward

One of the biggest shifts I’ve made in the last couple years since my training to become a Martha Beck certified life coach has been my awareness of the energy I am bringing to any given situation. I always knew and believed the only thing we can really control is how we react, but I hadn’t always known what a huge impact I can have by managing my energy before going into a challenging situation.

To me, managing my energy has three parts: 1) understanding what brings me energy and what depletes my energy, 2) knowing how to get back to my centered, calm place, and 3) mastering how to maintain that calm even in chaotic or challenging situations.

There are some commonalities on what drains us and what replenishes us, but each of us has our individual preferences, too. For many people, spending time in nature and getting some form of exercise provides us with more energy. Work can be either draining or charging to us, depending on if you’re in the right field for you or in the right role. If you’re in a job that challenges you and allows you to use your strengths, your work can bring you satisfaction and increase your well-being. Conversely, if you’re trying to be something you’re not, finding yourself bored or overwhelmingly challenged, your work might be depleting and a consistent source of stress. Becoming aware of what tasks, roles, activities, people and situations feed you versus drain you is an important first step. If you haven’t explored this for yourself, I’d encourage you to create a list and add things to one of two columns of “Replenish” or “Deplete.”

I’ve written before about getting back to center after being knocked off balance. It’s a fact of life that there will be unforeseen turns in the road and hurdles to face. If you’ve done the first step in identifying what fuels you, you can use that information to help get you back on track, as well as adding activities like meditation and quiet time to help you get calm and reconnected to your soul.

Last but not least is maintaining your positive energy in situations that trigger you. I work with many clients on this and the techniques and tools that work are as individual as each of us. But the benefits are amazing. When you can stay in a place of peace and possibility, knowing that you are okay and that whatever happens will be okay, it’s just magical what can happen. Conversely, if you are anxious and agitated, it’s much more likely that things will escalate or not go how you hoped. I recently had the opportunity to talk to a group of recent graduates who are job seeking, I encouraged them to approach interviews with confidence in who they are and what they are bringing to an employer, rather than the grasping energy of I-really-need-any-job. The first energy is inviting and much more attractive; the second is desperate, clingy and repellant.

Curious about what energy you are bringing? Notice how others react to you and realize it’s all feedback. While you can’t change how others react, you can change what you bring to the table and see if there’s any difference when you make an internal shift.

What Energy Are You Bringing?

June 6, 2012emilydownward

"I've learned that people will forget what you say, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~ Maya Angelou — With my lovely niece Paige

In work (as in life), there are some people you enjoy being around and easily collaborate with. And then there are others…some who don’t inspire you but don’t annoy you, and some that really frustrate you and become the motivation for happy hour or the face you conjure up in kickboxing class. Unfortunately, you can’t change other people, so that leaves you. Even small changes in your own behavior and attitude can have ripple effects on others, even those really frustrating others.

Science is beginning to explain what the poet Maya Angelou said so eloquently: “People will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” When brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor was recovering from a left-hemisphere stroke, she quickly realized the energy people brought with them into the room – everyone from family to healthcare workers – had a profound impact on her, especially since she was primarily using the right hemisphere of her brain, which focuses on the present moment and processes information intuitively. Dr. Taylor asked that everyone who entered her room be responsible for the energy they brought into it. (You can see Jill Bolte Taylor share her beautiful, heartfelt description of her stroke and the impact it had on her view of life in her TED Talk. It’s worth watching.)

Scientists have also discovered mirror neurons in our brains, which allow us to understand how others are feeling. Think of how your body reacts when you’re watching a scary or suspenseful movie, and how you may even jump physically when watching a surprise on screen. In one-on-one conversations, we affect each other on an energetic and emotional level, even if we’re not aware of it. If we approach someone with anger, they are more likely to respond in anger or defensively. And while we can’t change others energy, we can and have the responsibility of what energy we are bringing to a situation or encounter. If you remain in a state of peace and love, you are more likely to diffuse another’s anger. Being in that peaceful state also allows you to think more clearly and creatively. When we are in fight-or-flight mode, we don’t have access to the more creative, problem-solving portion of our brains.

I’ve found the quickest way to shift my energy is to take a few deep breaths (this relaxes your body and gets you out of fight-or-flight) and think of as many positive things about the person as you can. This changes your focus from what you dislike about them to what you do, even if it’s something your critical mind thinks is inconsequential, and helps you make a positive connection with them.

I’m not saying it’s always easy. Some people just know how to push our buttons, but the more you can stay centered and come with positive energy, the more successful the interaction will be.