“I believe your body knows a lot more than your mind about the life you’re supposed to live.”
– Martha Beck, Finding Your Own North Star
I started working my first job after college having a sense of determination that I would work my way up the ladder of success, getting more responsibility, more senior titles and more pay. After all, I had gone through the educational system where you do just that, advancing to higher levels with each achievement. And for awhile, I did that. At my first job, at the headquarters of a national non-profit, I was promoted several times over my five-and-a-half year tenure and did very well. Then I decided to switch to the marketing side of things and went to an agency where I stayed for just over seven years. Again, I was promoted and continued to strive for higher positions, more responsibility, and management. Leaving there, I was recruited by another agency that tempted me with an even higher title and pay.
I never really asked myself if I truly wanted to keep moving up. I just assumed that’s what a person did who was successful.
And somewhere along the way, I stopped listening to my body. Before I left a company, I knew there were things that I wasn’t happy with, but I didn’t really connect the symptoms my body was producing as anything more than signs of physical illness or disease.
At that first job, I started taking antidepressants. While I don’t take them now, I do feel like these drugs can be life-saving and can make the world of difference for those who need them. At that time, it was as if someone had taken off the black-out shades in my life. It was amazing! I also started talk therapy and learned some healthy coping skills, but the drugs were so effective and easy that when, a couple years later, I started having anxiety attacks and additional depression symptoms, I went to my doctor for additional drugs. [Note to self: More is not always better!] While the drugs kept me out of the deep abyss of depression where it was hard to function, they also numbed my emotions a bit. I honestly didn’t want to feel what I was feeling, and at that point, I just took more to numb more. When I left that job, I did lower my dose again, although it was years before I was brave enough to try coping without them.
The next interesting symptom my body threw at me was IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). I won’t go into details but will sum it up by saying it’s not pleasant! IBS stayed with me for several years, always flaring up during periods of high stress.
The third symptom was back and hip pain. I assumed this was due to my mild scoliosis, diagnosed when I was a teen and always causing an achy pain in my lower back. But it was getting worse, including intense pain between my shoulder blades and my right hip completely giving out when I tried to put weight on it. After seeing several doctors who said that there was no treatment and that I should just “learn to live with the pain,” I got immense relief from chiropractic care. However, it wasn’t a permanent solution, and again, the pain would flare up, often during stressful times.
The thing that helped the most with all of this? Learning from teachers like Martha Beck that the unconscious mind communicates in symbols, sometimes using the body as it’s canvas, acting out its messages. The pain, muscle cramping and other irritable symptoms were my body’s way of telling me I was off course. WAY off course. After all, “disease” is “dis-ease.” My body was screaming at me. The more I ignored it, the more inventive it got to try to get my attention. Muscle spasms locking my neck or shoulders up to the point I couldn’t sleep or turn my head were probably the most painful and impossible to ignore.
I am happy (and relieved!) to report that I no longer have these symptoms. And now, I’m also starting to get some really cool and good feeling messages from my body, signs that I am on the right course. I do still get occasional twinges of pain in my back or hip, and when I feel them, I know it’s time to investigate. What am I avoiding? What’s my body trying to tell me? The message may be that I need to stretch or get some exercise, but it also may be that I’m not being honest with myself about how I’m feeling.
I’d love to hear about your experience: have you noticed this in your life? How does your body “talk” to you?
