achieving goals

Finding Your Path to Achieve Your Goals

emilydownward

“Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence.” ~ Henry David ThoreauI’ve recently moved (yes, it’s my second cross-country move this year), and as someone recently said to me, “it’s great to move because you find all the stuff you forgot about, but it’s terrible to move because you find all the stuff you forgot about.” I’m definitely finding that to be the case and am more inclined than ever to be more minimalist in stuff.

One of my finds was an old journal from 3 ½ years ago. Taking a brief respite from unpacking, I flipped through it and read a bit, my own words taking me back to that time of frustration. “I wonder…am I running away or running toward? There’s currently a commercial for a financial company that plots a green line that directs you where to go to reach your goal. The direction changes based on the goal. I wish I knew which line to follow – or that there was a clear line to begin with. What are my goals? I’d like to make a difference, leave the world better somehow. Sometimes I wonder if that’s possible in my current frustrating job. There are times when I can so clearly see the changes and processes that are needed to make things better. But I feel powerless to make a difference or influence such a change.”

This is why I coach others who are struggling at work. I get it. I know what it’s like to feel like your shoulders are permanently up around your ears due to stress and your stomach churning with anxiety. I know how demoralizing it is to feel like nothing is ever enough, and all you ever hear is “more, more, more!”

So much of our life is spent at work, and I believe everyone deserves to enjoy that time. Sure, there are always tasks that are unpleasant or loathsome (time entry in the agency world comes to mind), but no one needs to feel trapped, consistently burned out, or stuck. I help people find joy and passion in their work, whether that’s in their current job or one that better utilizes their strengths. And through my work, I get to achieve my goal of making a difference, making things better for my clients, and I get to use my experience in the corporate workforce to influence positive change.

I believe you don’t need fixing. You have all the answers inside you. And I know from experience that coaching can help you uncover those answers more quickly than you may be able to on your own. It may not be as graphic as the green line from the commercial that leads you to your financial goal, but there are signs along the way, within you and around you, that can lead you to a happier, more fulfilling life.

Getting What You Want

emilydownward

"“External circumstances do not create feeling states. Feeling states create external circumstances.” ~ Martha BeckWhat do you want? What do you really want?

It’s a standard question coaches pose to clients, one that I pose to new clients, and one that I have pondered myself. What do I really want?

During times of great stress, sometimes all I could muster as an answer is for the stress or cause of pain to end. I think when you’re in the thick of it, it’s difficult to dream big. Like if you’re in the foyer of an Italian restaurant and someone asks you what you want to eat, you think of the Italian options – lasagna, spaghetti, manicotti, ravioli – you don’t even consider other cuisines, like Thai, Indian, or French, which you could have if you stepped out the door and walked down the street. You limit your options subconsciously. We do this in other areas of our lives, too.

So allow yourself to dream big, dream without rules or limitations, dream beyond your current circumstances, and come up with your heart’s desire. Got it?

Now, consider that what you really want isn’t what you’ve got in mind, but rather what you think having that thing or experience will make you feel. It’s all about the feeling state. How do you imagine you’ll feel when you have that perfect job, tons of money, the ideal body or your soul mate? That’s what you’re really after.

As Martha Beck writes in her book Steering by Starlight, while we think we’ll get these feelings by getting what we want, “External circumstances do not create feeling states. Feeling states create external circumstances.” Martha gives this example in the book:

“You’re an employer looking for someone to hire. Two candidates apply. One is desperate and frantic. ‘Please, please, I need this job; you’ve got to help me,’ he begs. The other candidate is calm and confident. He asks, ‘How can I help you?’”

Once you recognize the feeling state you’re after and find ways to feel that (or recognize where you already have this in your life), you’re much more likely to get what you’re wanting. (And you may find you don’t want it anymore, or at least not as much, once you realize you’ve already got what you really want, the feeling.)

Several of my clients are working towards their next promotion, and one mentioned to me that she really wanted the next title, that when she got that, then she would feel confident. Having been on both sides of that title (before and after), I told her from my experience that having the title doesn’t bestow that confidence. In fact, acting with confidence now, she’s more likely to receive that promotion.

So consider what you want, and then go deeper: what will you feel when you have that or experience that? Finding ways to experience that feeling now will not only give you more happiness, it will also make it easier for you to get those things you wanted in the first place.