“You don’t need a wishbone, you need a backbone.”
– Caroline Myss
How often do we get so wrapped up in pleasing others, or taking care of others, or trying to “fit the mold” that we say yes to things that don’t serve us? I know I have found myself so far down the pleasing-others path that when I stopped to take a breath and look around, I realized I was completely disconnected from what I wanted. Like Julia Roberts’ character in “Runaway Bride,” who didn’t even know how she liked her eggs cooked.
I recently got the incredible opportunity to see Byron Katie demonstrate The Work here in Austin. She has such an inspiring, peaceful presence. I was struck by her succinct statement, “When I say Yes to you, it’s a Yes to myself. When I say No to you, it’s a Yes to myself.”
I’ll be the first to admit that saying No isn’t always easy. I don’t like the idea of letting others down. But what about letting myself down? I’ve found that if I consistently say Yes to everything that is put before me, I end up exhausted, burned out, and unhappy. Similar to how uncomfortable it would feel to eat everything put out on a restaurant’s buffet. We have been blessed with the ability to choose, and it’s up for each of us to define what works best for us.
There is something empowering about saying No — that’s the “Yes to myself” part. It feels like freedom to me. Of course, saying No can be done in a polite way, and it can even be a “Not now” kind of No. And then there’s one of my favorite metaphors — from the airline safety routine of putting the oxygen mask on yourself first. If you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t have anything to give to anyone else.
What are you saying No to this week?