It’s February, and Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. It’s a fun holiday if you’re in a couple; it can be tortuous if you’re not. Whether you’re single or not, I think we all can use more self-love. And while you may think as a career coach I seem to have gone soft on this week’s topic – hear me out. I believe wholeheartedly we teach others how to treat us, and that comes into play not only in our love relationships but also in our work relationships.
I work with clients who are struggling at work. Many complain about demanding bosses, companies that don’t value the individual, or coworkers who don’t shoulder their fair share of the work. Whatever your particular challenge is at work, consider it for a moment as feedback. When I find myself in a thorny or frustrating situation, I do three things: 1) if possible, take a time out and get some distance from the situation or person, 2) allow my feelings and breathe, remembering that emotions are felt in the body and when allowed will move through the body in about 90 seconds, 3) examine why this situation is bothering me. When I take a look at the situation as feedback, knowing that everything around me is mirroring back something about myself, I can take responsibility for my part of it (the only part we have control over).
For example, I once worked for an agency that had a reputation as a “sweatshop.” Employees that worked all hours and got it done no matter what the personal cost were celebrated and recognized. I joined the rat race and spent an incredible number of hours at the office, and when I did leave the office, I was expected to be responsive to email or cell phone requests late into the evening and immediately upon waking. Even when I wasn’t looking at my device, which seemed to resemble a medieval shackle to me, I was worried about missing out on something, not responding quickly enough, etc. I found myself very angry at my boss and my company for expecting so much out of me. Sound familiar?
Underlying the anger towards my boss and my company was anger at myself, for not setting boundaries, for not taking care of myself by giving myself necessary down time for rejuvenation. In a way, my employer was doing me a favor by bringing this issue to my attention. Because only I am responsible for how I spend my time and how I treat myself. As I started to set boundaries on my personal time and communicated those to my employer, I gained my self-respect back, as well as giving myself the time I needed to rest.
Where are you getting feedback from the universe? Are you treating yourself with self-love and respect? Take a moment to ask yourself how you want to be treated and to reflect on if you’re treating yourself that way.