I Don’t Know! (Or Do I?)

I struggled for many years not knowing what I wanted to be doing, just knowing it wasn’t what I was doing. I was good at my job and had gotten promotions, moving my way up to additional responsibilities and larger salaries. I enjoyed having people report to me and mentoring them, but most of my responsibilities, which had at one time seemed like interesting challenges, had become uninteresting and incredibly stressful to me. In addition, I was overwhelmed with a never-ending amount of work, unrealistic deadlines and intense pressure from all sides. It took a huge toll on me, and my body was screaming for my attention. I knew I had to make a change.

And yet, I didn’t know what else to do. I figured I might as well keep doing what I was doing until I figured it out.

Now, I realize that when I was telling myself I didn’t know what to do, it was kind of a lie. Now, I know that our brains can spin incredibly believable stories, and most of them aren’t true.

Sometimes, when faced with making a big change, we get freaked out. Change can be scary. Even known terrible conditions and situations are sometimes chosen over the unknown, as depicted in the movie Shawshank Redemption. When faced with release from prison, long-time inmates struggle with their newfound freedom, preferring to stay in the known and confined community they’ve become a part of. While it’s inconceivable to think any of us would choose prison over freedom, I wonder, how many of us are living in a prison of our own making?

When you’re not sure what to do – ask yourself, “What DO I know?” Like a game of Hot and Cold, keep following what feels hotter, and take steps towards what feels better. You don’t have to have the whole plan figured out. (In fact, it may be better if you don’t: life may throw new opportunities or challenges at you that you can’t imagine now.) As I once heard Martha Beck say, when you’re driving from New York to Los Angeles, you don’t have to see the whole road. You only need to see as far as your headlights shine in front of you.

For me, when I was struggling several years ago, while not yet knowing what I wanted to do for a career, I knew I wanted to return to living close to my family. I craved those social connections and support.

Also ask yourself, “What do I know that I am pretending not to know?” I find that meditation and journaling help me when I’m trying to figure this out. I’ve also gotten help answering this question working with my own coach.

In my situation several years ago, I realized that I no longer valued things the same. While I had once felt pride in my title, I had come to see that a title didn’t make the person. While I still enjoyed my salary, I realized that for me, the price I was paying emotionally, physically and spiritually wasn’t worth the reward. And I realized my desire to do something to help people was growing, and what I was doing wasn’t in line with that.

As I recently wrote, sometimes change is forced upon us, and sometimes we choose it. And sometimes it creeps up on us and we wake up one day and realize that while the situation around us hasn’t changed, we’ve changed internally – our values, our preferences, our goals. I believe that we’re each here in human form to learn how to be happy. We have different missions to achieve that, and we each are given different struggles to overcome. And as we grow and learn, sometimes we find that we’ve outgrown jobs, relationships or situations, and it’s time to move on. Follow what makes you happy.