Dissolving Painful Thoughts

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCA0-tSD7fU]

There are many tools for dissolving painful thoughts, but one of the simplest ones I learned is by Master Certified Martha Beck Coach Brooke Castillo, called Self Coaching 101. It helps me to realize my feelings are a result of my thoughts — not my circumstances. I provide a personal example in the above video, but it works for professional issues as well. Here’s an example:

Circumstance: You don’t get the promotion you were expecting.

Thought: “I’m not respected and valued at this organization.”

Feeling: Sad, Angry, Frustrated

Action: Treat others with less respect. Don’t participate or engage in conversations. Only doing the bare minimum at your job.

Result: Less respect from those around you because you’re not doing your job to the best of your ability.

And the result always proves the original thought. As I mentioned in another post, the way our left brain works is that it always looks for evidence to prove itself right. (You may have experienced this with a jealous lover who is SURE that you are cheating and interprets all your silences, phone calls with friends or time with others as proof of infidelity.) However, that doesn’t mean it’s the truth. Try changing the thought and see if you can find evidence to prove that it could be as true or truer than the original thought. In the example above, it could be that there was a better candidate for the promotion, or that the company is struggling and can’t afford to promote you at this time.

The goal is to feel better. So if your thoughts are serving you — not causing you extra stress — then great! But if they’re not serving you, question them and find a better thought. Use your brain as a tool, rather than letting it run rampant and affect your emotions adversely.