The start of a new year gives me the feeling of wonder and anticipation, like the first day of school, starting a new grade. While I’ve known the date was coming and am eager to experience this new beginning, I’m unsure exactly what to expect.
In the past, I have jumped on the resolution bandwagon, creating big goals for myself that were difficult and unattainable, and I found myself guiltily going back to my old ways around mid-February or March. For some, those big goals work to motivate them, but I’ve found that for me, I’m more likely to truly change and incorporate a new way of doing or being when I’m ready for the change, not when someone else or a calendar date tells me I should. And I also know I can’t force that ready feeling. Even if I’m looking forward to the future change, I can’t make myself get there faster. It’s like a child wishing she was an adult. It doesn’t make it go any faster, and it actually makes you more unhappy and unsatisfied.
I spent so many years looking forward to future events, thinking I would be happy when I had this or when I had achieved that, but I was never quite satisfied. There is always something more to achieve or obtain. And being continually future-focused meant I wasn’t happy with where I was in the present, so I was left with an overall sense of being unfulfilled and in a constant state of wanting.
It’s difficult to break this mindset, as our society is quite established at creating milestones and levels of achievement. But the more I choose to focus on the present moment, to be grateful for what I have now, to be content with where I am and know that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, the more peaceful and content I feel. Sometimes, to get to that peaceful place, it’s a bit paradoxical. If the present moment is full of chaos or frustration or just being in the in-between (a state I’m still not fond of, although I’m getting more familiar with it), I’ve learned the quickest way out is through – leaning into the feelings of frustration, sadness and/or anger, rather than resisting them or wishing them away.
So if you’re feeling a bit lackluster about the new year as far as what you’ll accomplish or change or experience, just wait a bit. It will come to you. And there will be a day when you feel ready. It still may feel a bit scary, the future unknown, but it will be the excitement-fear, not the dread-fear. As one of my teachers describes, it’s like being on the high dive at the pool, and looking down into the crystal clear water, not looking down and seeing grimy sludge. And in the meantime, find something, anything, to be grateful and content about in your present moment. Savor the good stuff.