“In oneself lies the whole world and if you know how to look and learn, the door is there and the key is in your hand. Nobody on earth can give you either the key or the door to open, except yourself.”
– Jiddu Krishnamurti
We all do it sometimes…pretend everything’s fine, act as if we’re happy to be at a party, or act interested when your elderly relative tells you the same story for the umpteenth time. Life isn’t always fun, and we all have responsibilities that we may not enjoy but need to do. But do you find yourself going through life with a plastered-on smile to mask your true feelings? If you find yourself pretending most, or all of the time, do you know what truly makes you happy?
If you’re an empathic person who easily identifies and feels others’ emotions, you may be especially prone to picking up cues from others and not knowing your own mind. Or, if you’re a People Pleaser, a Yes Man or Woman, or addicted to approval from others, you might not even realize you’re making choices based on what others’ think or want, rather than your own preferences. Do you even know your own preferences?
If this sounds familiar, the first step to finding yourself is awareness. You don’t have to change your behavior, but become aware of when you are choosing to say “Yes” when you would rather say “No,” when you agree to do something that you’d rather not do. Recognizing you are consciously making the choice allows you to see that you have the power to choose, allows you to own your decisions and not feel like a powerless victim.
If you’re not aware or not sure what you feel about your choices, I invite you to get some space from others where you can be alone for a few minutes and tune into your body. Your body will never steer you wrong. If you feel tightness and constriction, or even nausea or breathless, your body is telling you “No.” A “Yes” to the body feels lighter, relaxed, even tingly sometimes. No one can truly tell you what’s best for you — only you know that. Each of us comes into this world with our own set of preferences, likes and dislikes. And it’s a wonderful journey to discover yours and start bringing more of the things that light you up into your life.