Archive for March, 2012

Right vs. Wrong

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , on March 27, 2012 | Leave a Comment »

“When you have to make a choice and don’t make it, that is in itself a choice.”  ~William James

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about right and wrong. Not the big moral issues — I’m not planning a crime spree or scheming anything illegal — just the internal debates we have about right and wrong that keep us from moving forward. Thoughts like:

  • What if I make the wrong choice?
  • Which path is the right one for me?
  • I don’t want to make a mistake again.

These kind of thoughts keep us in limbo. They may inspire additional research into options, but most likely, they aren’t motivating us to take action. We stay stuck in an internal debate, rather than fully living.

Quilt in progress

A work in progress

One way this recently showed up in my life is in fabric. One of my sisters asked me to make a quilt out of the materials we used in her daughter’s nursery 11 years ago. There are limited amounts of each material, and I can’t go to the store to buy more of these specific patterns. I’ve put off making the quilt for a few years, and finally asked myself why I was procrastinating. I realized I was scared to “mess it up.” If I don’t do it “right,” all that is left of these materials will be destroyed. I know how important this is to my sister, and could be to my niece, and I would like it to be a treasure for them both. But adding this extra pressure on myself meant that the scraps of material were still sitting here with me, and not being enjoyed.

Here’s a radical idea: Maybe there is no right or wrong. Consider for a moment that even the so-called mistakes you made in your past and the so-called wrong choices have gotten you to this point. You probably learned from each of those experiences, and quite possibly, you learned MORE about those “wrong” choices than the “right” ones you made.

These paralyzing thoughts can hold us back in our careers, in our relationships, and yes, even in our quilt-making! Ask yourself why you’re not making a decision. Perhaps you need more information. If so, do the necessary research. But don’t sit on the sidelines and not make a choice just because you’re afraid of doing it “wrong.”

For me, knowing that I wanted to do a very good job, I am taking extra time to plan and measure before cutting. I’m not rushing this project, but I am making progress. And while I know that none of my quilts are ever technically perfect, they can be perfect expressions of love.

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What is Your Original Medicine?

Posted in Uncategorized on March 20, 2012 | Leave a Comment »

Part of my medicine is being an auntie.

“You can’t work someone else’s medicine.”

~ Michael Trotta

I’ve just returned from the Martha Beck Summit in Phoenix, where I had the honor of meeting so many inspiring teachers, connecting with good friends, meeting new friends, and experiencing so much that words can’t describe. I will likely write many blog posts with all the information I received and wanted to begin with what I learned from nature-based coach Michael Trotta and Susan Dahl-Robertson.

Michael spoke to us about finding your own original medicine – the gifts you have to bring to the world. This is your purpose in life. I could identify with his story of seeing others you admire and trying to be like them. Much of my career was spent this way, seeing how others were succeeding and trying to be like that. I did a fairly good job, “succeeding” to the point of senior vice president, but the higher the position and the longer I did something that didn’t fulfill me, the more painful it was to be me. Because I WASN’T being Me.

We often define things is by what they are not, as well as using metaphors. If you were to describe a watermelon to someone who had never seen or tasted one, you might say, “It’s a fruit, but not like an apple or a banana. It’s similar to a cantaloupe, in that it has an outer rind that you don’t eat, but a watermelon’s seeds aren’t like those in a cantaloupe…”

When I got to the point in my life where I realized that what I was doing was making me very unhappy, when my body was screaming at me to do something differently, it was simply telling me “Not this.” I had been forcing myself to do things they way others did, the way it seemed it *should* be done, for so long, I had forgotten what it felt like when my essential self said “YES!”

Michael took us back to our childhoods, when we ran and played hide-and-seek, climbed trees and built forts. He explained how the ways children naturally play are practice for survival skills. Hide-and-seek is similar to tracking for hunting. Building forts is creating shelter. As children, we naturally go towards the activities that we excel at.

Susan asked us to think of an experience when we lost track of time and asked what did you love about it? Think of experiences when you felt powerful, free, incredibly useful and inspired. These are all clues to what medicine you bring.

Where in your life are you trying to force yourself to be other than you? I’m reminded of Dr. Seuss, who brilliantly said, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

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Career Possibilities

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , on March 12, 2012 | 2 Comments »

Possibilities AheadI’m thrilled to announce the launch of a free podcast series — Possibilities Ahead — I’ve created with the supremely talented and organized Kanesha Baynard. Kanesha and I were in Martha Beck’s Life Coach Training program together, and she is a fireball of energy and ideas! We have collaborated on this podcast series to answer career questions and challenges from people who are wondering what to do next in their career, those who are struggling with making changes, and others who are trying to meld their passions with their careers. Through inquiry based tools and effective resources, Kanesha and I provide practical tips on each podcast to motivate listeners to explore possibilities that will positively impact and support their professional goals.

There are three podcasts available now, with additional podcasts produced monthly. You can get the whole list of Possibilities Ahead here on my site, or you can subscribe to have them delivered to your inbox. Have a question? Submit your question online for consideration for future episodes.

“We all have possibilities we don’t know about. We can do things we don’t even dream we can do.” ~ Dale Carnegie

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Value

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , on March 6, 2012 | Leave a Comment »

My minister is doing a series of sermons on the Beatitudes, and one statement he made last week really stood out for me:

“Success doesn’t make you more valuable. Failure won’t make you less valuable.”

Wow. That hit me dead-on. I’ve always been a bit of an over-achiever, a perfectionist, pushing myself to achieve MORE.

But his assessment rings true for me because I believe, as C.S. Lewis so succinctly put it, “You are a soul. You have a body.”

So these two parts of me are a bit dissonant. On the one hand, I know that as a soul, I have value just as any other soul does. No more, no less. But on the other side, (supported strongly by our culture), I feel I must DO something to be valuable, and that DOING should be successful.

In Finding Your Own North Star, Martha Beck talks about how all major life transitions go through a cyclical course, what she calls the Cycle of Change. The third of four squares is called The Hero’s Saga, and it’s characterized by a series of attempts and failures. After all, as humans, we learn through trial and error. When I heard Martha speak on it, she talked about how this stage is similar to playing golf. You keep hitting towards the hole, hopefully getting closer and closer each time. Eventually, you succeed, but it usually takes a fair bit of missing first. The mantra for this part of the cycle is “This is a lot harder than I thought, and that’s okay.” (Of course, part of you doesn’t agree with the “that’s okay” bit — it feels entirely too long and frustrating, but the “that’s okay” is to remind you it’s a normal part of the cycle.)

It has been challenging for me to welcome failure, even though I know it’s good for me (on some level). Perhaps I still measure my value by how much I’m succeeding, versus how I am being.

What do you think? I’d love to hear if this rings true for you as well.

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Calling Your Energy Home

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , on March 1, 2012 | 1 Comment »

“When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

We often get so scattered, pulled in different directions by our families, our work, our electronic devices, the multitude of  marketing and advertising around us vying for our attention.

While our culture prizes multi-tasking, scientists have shown it’s not a true concept. The brain really can’t focus on multiple things at the same time, but only one. And shifting between things takes energy, as anyone who constantly switches between tasks can tell you. Have you ever tried to write a white paper (or book, or thesis, or any large body of work) while simultaneously tending to your email, periodic phone calls, coworkers stopping by to ask brief questions and calendar reminders popping up? How much did you get accomplished?

Besides the practical advice of blocking out chunks of time to work on different tasks (and by all means, consider NOT checking email, Facebook, Twitter or other potential addictive and time-sucking social networks constantly – in fact, close the windows or programs for awhile), a simple, yet extremely effective technique is to Center yourself.

One of my favorite definitions of centering is “calling all your energy home.” I like that explanation because I know what it feels like to have my attention scattered among multiple projects, concerns and an endless to-do list. The most basic way to center yourself is to breathe. And while yes, I know if you’re reading this you’re still breathing, we often breathe very shallowly, especially when our bodies are in “fight-or-flight” mode, trying to battle all the information and demands in our environment. For just a few minutes, try out this exercise.

Centering Exercise

Sit with your feet flat on the floor, relax your belly and take three deep breaths. As you feel the air expand your rib cage, drop your shoulders away from your ears. Feel your body, this amazing vehicle we get to inhabit, and for just this one moment, simply Be.

Benefits of Centering

Centering yourself like this has many benefits, including feeling more peaceful, feeling less stressed and being able to think more creatively. (When you’re in fight-or-flight mode, the creative process is stifled.) The more often you do it, the more benefits you will realize.

So leverage the technology that makes you a chained slave to its persistent demands: create a daily reminder to take a few minutes (just 2-5…you can fit this in!) to Breathe and Center yourself. Call all your energy home. Your body will thank you.

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