Archive for November, 2011

Authenticity

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

~Dr. Seuss

Yesterday, along with several thousand other people here in Austin, I had the privilege of seeing and hearing some amazing speakers at the Get Motivated! conference. The line-up included Colin Powell, Rudy Giuliani, Stanley McChrystal, and Southwest Airlines CEO Howard Putnam (among others). But my absolute favorites were Mary Lou Retton and Bill Cosby.

Mary Lou Retton spoke about her journey to the Olympics and the improbability of her winning the gold medal. (Just six weeks before her Olympic competition, she had knee surgery!) Her message was “don’t let anyone tell you that you CAN’T,” and her incredible energy was infectious. She mesmerized the audience.

Bill Cosby spoke just after Mary Lou and was obviously the favorite of many. He was hilarious, of course, but he also touched on spirituality. He had several great quips, using the lyrical genius of James Brown as his talking points, including “Get up!” and “Do it!” — each of which he would punctuate by imitating James Brown’s “Hah!”

But reflecting back on the day, I think what made these two the most enjoyable to me was that they were authentic about who they are. Neither one tried to be something else or give a message that wasn’t true to their experience. It was a great example (and lesson) to just show up, be yourself and let your light shine. Definitely very motivating.

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Benefits

“Gratitude: appreciative, thankful.”

- Webster’s Dictionary

The Thanksgiving holiday here in the U.S. is focused on gratitude, and we count our many blessings, including family, friends, and the great food. This year, I’m also trying to look beyond the obvious things and find benefits in the struggle, the contrast, the lack of certain things. What can I learn from this situation that isn’t how I want it to be? How can I give thanks for the struggle?

When a butterfly emerges from its cocoon, it must struggle against the chrysalis that has protected its amazing transformation. The struggle is vitally important to strengthen the butterflies wings. In fact, if you cut the chrysalis to help the butterfly emerge, it never gets strong enough to fly, and dies.

Using this metaphor, I know that there is a broader purpose for all those things which I might deem “struggles.” And I am grateful for the process, trusting that something beautiful will emerge.

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Have Faith

My very own, much-loved, Pooh Bear.

“You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

- Christopher Robin to Pooh Bear

I’ve been struggling to keep the faith lately. I’m not talking about religion, but rather faith in myself. I am my own toughest critic, and when my lizard brain gets activated, it spits out all sorts of negative talk.

Fortunately, I know that I am more than my brain and its crazy thoughts. I can choose which thoughts I want to believe. Before I got immersed in coaching, I remember hearing or reading people talking about the importance of choosing your thoughts, but it didn’t make sense to me. I hadn’t yet learned how, as Eckhart Tolle says, to be the watcher of your thoughts. Tolle realized he could just notice his thoughts as if they were running at the bottom of a TV screen like closed captioning.

I now understand a little more about how the brain works — although much of it still is a mystery — and I have enjoyed learning from teachers like Tolle, Byron Katie, Jill Bolte Taylor, and Martha Beck. I know now that the left brain, predominant in most of us in our culture, always seeks evidence to prove itself correct. So if we have a thought of “I can’t do it,” we will find the evidence to support that thought. However, if we consciously change the thought to something that serves us better, like “I can do it” — and seek to find as many pieces of evidence to support the new thought…well, that’s how we can rewire our brain to work FOR us instead of against us.

So today, I’m choosing to believe I can do it. I can accomplish things I once thought were impossible, like a triathlon, or moving to a city where I know no one, or starting my own company. And just like the triathlon, which I always want to mistype “triathlong” — and it does seem impossibly long at times! — I will make it to the finish line if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And you know what else? I believe in you, too.

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Health is more than the absence of disease.

“You cannot get sick enough to help sick people get better. You cannot get poor enough to help poor people thrive. It is only in your thriving that you have anything to offer anyone. If you’re wanting to be of an advantage to others, be as tapped in, turned in, turned on as you can possibly be.”

- Esther Abraham-Hicks

 

Years ago, I chose to get my degree in health education because I am passionate about health. Health is not just the absence of disease, but it’s about wellness and optimal functioning. Health includes several areas: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. For years, I’ve worked to improve each of these areas of my life, and it’s a constant progression. I know there will never come a time when I’ve achieved ideal health, but I’ve learned that each improvement I make helps me feel better. And when it feels good, I want more of that!

I am looking forward to the upcoming holidays: the great food, the family gatherings, giving my loved ones gifts and singing all the familiar songs. But I know it may be stressful, too: the family dynamics with potential miscommunications and hurt feelings, the overindulging, the financial toll. Here’s 7 tips I’m using to help ease the stress and help me enjoy this holiday season:

1. Set an intention. Get clear on what it is you want to experience individually, and as a family. You may need to remind yourself of this each day, and it provides a great guidepost for choosing which activities and events fit your intention. With an intention of “I’m going to do as much as possible” (which might have been a past year’s unintentional intention!), you will push yourself much more than “I want to cherish the time I get to spend with each of my loved ones.”

2. Stay in the present moment. Rather than thinking ahead to all you need to get done, be mindful of where you are and what you are doing right now. Savor the moment.

3. Plan ahead. Besides purposefully setting an intention, set a budget for your holiday spending before you shop. It’s also helpful to prepare days and times for different activities: shopping, visiting, baking. Start with the activities and people that are most important to you, and fill around those.

4. Be realistic. Rather than overcommitting yourself and setting yourself up for feelings of failure, take your personal power back by choosing what you will do and what you won’t. Don’t be afraid to say “No.”

5. Take care of yourself. As we’re reminded every time we get on an airplane, “put the mask on yourself first.” For many of us (parents especially!), our instinct is to take care of others first. But if you don’t put gas in your tank, you won’t have anything to give.

6. Ask for help. Some of us have a Superwoman or Superman complex and think we can do it all. This is not only overwhelming; it robs others of the chance to participate. Give your loved ones an opportunity to contribute. Even children enjoy feeling a part of the creation, whether that’s in food preparation or gift wrapping.

7. Breathe! Although it’s instinctual to breathe, when we are stressed, we tend to breathe more shallowly or even hold our breath. A deep relaxing breath in through your nose, expanding your belly and chest fully, can help center you and calm the fight or flight response.

I’ll be sharing additional tools for making this holiday season even brighter in my Healthy & Happy Holidays telecourse, which begins tomorrow evening. The four-part telecourse will include tools to help you stay present, ways to simplify expectations, plans for achieving your goals, and strategies for tuning into your inner wisdom. There’s still room for more — hope you can join us!

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Taking Care of Self

“In case there is a loss in cabin pressure, yellow oxygen masks will deploy from the ceiling compartment located above you. To secure, pull the mask towards you, secure the elastic strap to your head, and fasten it so it covers your mouth and nose. Breathe normally. Even if the bag does not inflate, please keep in mind that oxygen is flowing. If you are travelling with a child or someone else who needs assistance, please make sure to secure your own mask before assisting others.”

- Flight attendants everywhere

 

If you’ve ever flown on a plane, you’ve heard the speech above, and for those who are frequent fliers, you probably could recite it verbatim. It becomes like background noise after awhile, and most passengers aren’t even really paying attention.

The vitally important part is to secure your own mask before assisting others. If you pass out, you’re no help to anyone else. They put this in because there are many of us who think first of others before ourselves.

It’s nice to think of others, to be considerate and generous, kind and giving. There are many people around us in our families and communities and world who need our help. You can get so focused on giving your time, energy and money to worthy people and causes that you get burned out. And then you collapse or become ill, and perhaps then you’ll take a break to recharge.

The holidays are nearly upon us, and for many, this means even more activities, expenses, visiting and, of course, eating! There’s much to look forward to…but sometimes, it all seems a little TOO much. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed, or looking for a way to stay more present this holiday season, join me beginning next week for a four-part telecourse which includes tools to help you tune into your inner wisdom, simplify expectations, achieve your goals and enjoy your holidays more. Each 75-minute session will be held on Tuesday evenings and also recorded and distributed, along with handouts.

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Wishing


“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.

- T. E. Lawrence

This past summer, I often parked by a arts school near the river when I went for my Saturday morning jog. One day, I noticed papers tied to a tree in front of the school. They were twisting and blowing in the breeze. I went to investigate and found many inspirational wishes that had been made by teachers and students. It was a Wishing Tree, and they had been encouraged to wish for whatever their hearts desired.

I wish everything wasn't so hard!

Some of the wishes were fanciful, and some made me smile. Others struck a chord with me, something I have wished for myself. This one, by “Cora,” I could definitely relate to: “I wish everything wasn’t so hard!!!”

 

It made me wonder what Cora was struggling with. But I can read in the exclamation points and squiggly faces the frustration. And some determination.

 

I, too, wish everything wasn’t so difficult. I’ve heard people say that struggle makes the victory sweeter, that you have to work hard for things worth having. But there’s also the fact that sometimes, we make it harder on ourselves.

 

I’ve been struggling in one area of my life lately, and I’ve found what works best for me is to examine my thoughts, do some journaling, get coached, surround myself with people who believe in me even when I’m not so sure, and let go of the expectations. Just like the wishing tree, write it down and let it go.

What do you wish for?

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