Archive for October, 2011

What’s YOUR Story?

Posted in Uncategorized on October 31, 2011 | Leave a Comment »

“How we narrate our stories reflects and contributes to our interpersonal relationships, our experience of suffering, and our relationship to the transcendent. The ability to authentically narrate our stories is dependent on our willingness to embrace our authority; to literally “author” our story.”

- Martha Beck

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, probably because dressing up is celebrated. As a child, I always loved playing dress-up, but as an adult, my budget is much bigger to indulge this fantasy world.

This  year, I dressed as the Wicked Witch to play opposite my niece’s choice of Dorothy. However, rather than see her as “wicked,” I prefer the version of Elphaba that is put forth in the Broadway story Wicked. She was unfortunately born green, but she really wasn’t as terrible as people made her out to be — she was actually very powerful. As I was applying my green makeup, (which took considerable time!), I got an inspiration to record a video about the paradigm shifts between The Wizard of Oz and Wicked.

So what’s YOUR story? What’s the role that you play in the story of your life? This may not be a story you necessarily speak out loud — perhaps it just runs for a private viewing in your head. But do you enjoy the story? If not, it may be time to question some of your assumptions and change the narrative. And if you need help deconstructing the not-so-great version in your mind, I’m here to help.

Happy Halloween!

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Surprise Grief

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , on October 26, 2011 | 2 Comments »

View of Manhattan from Statue of Liberty

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another.”

- Anatole France

Even so called “good” changes mean saying goodbye to what was. When I was recruited up to New York City and left Dallas, I felt conflicting emotions. It was an amazing opportunity, and I was thrilled, nervous, excited and couldn’t wait to experience everything NYC had to offer. At the same time, I was leaving behind some amazing friends, moving hundreds of miles away from my family, TexMex food and everything familiar.

The grief — although I didn’t really recognize it as such at the time — came in waves. Sometimes I would just need to cry. Other times I felt it helpful to walk, especially down by the Hudson River. I find water to be very calming and restorative. I often found myself looking for a familiar face in the crowd, thinking I recognized someone, only to realize the person I was looking at just slightly resembled someone from my previous life in Dallas.

It was a difficult transition, but one I’m glad I did. Over time, it got easier. The tears for what I left behind ended, and I made new connections. And of course, there were fantastic experiences that I wouldn’t have had if I hadn’t been in NYC. I learned so much about myself, became much more independent and comfortable in different situations, and met many interesting people.

If you are facing a new beginning, or saying goodbye to a situation, relationship or job, I invite you to be gentle with yourself. Allow the grief, even along with the excitement and hope of new possibilities. As Richard Bach said, “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.”

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Follow Your Dreams

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged on October 21, 2011 | Leave a Comment »

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

- Howard Thurman

And for some musical inspiration, here’s Colbie Callait (as captured by my iPhone) singing “Brighter than the Sun.” I love this song!

These lyrics are inspiring to me: “Oh, we could be the stars falling from the sky, shining how we want, brighter than the sun.” Let your light shine!

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Lots of Great, Free Stuff

Posted in Uncategorized on October 18, 2011 | Leave a Comment »

“As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you – the first time around.”

- Oprah Winfrey

If you’re not already aware, Oprah has started a new “Life Class” show on OWN. Even if you don’t have cable to watch the shows, you can catch the webcasts (live or afterwards on recordings) at Oprah’s Life Class. There are also online workbooks that provide thought-provoking questions and inspiration. Lots of great stuff!

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Pretending to be Happy When You’re Not

Posted in Uncategorized on October 17, 2011 | Leave a Comment »

Flickr: frandi-shooters

“In oneself lies the whole world and if you know how to look and learn, the door is there and the key is in your hand. Nobody on earth can give you either the key or the door to open, except yourself.”

- Jiddu Krishnamurti

We all do it sometimes…pretend everything’s fine, act as if we’re happy to be at a party, or act interested when your elderly relative tells you the same story for the umpteenth time. Life isn’t always fun, and we all have responsibilities that we may not enjoy but need to do. But do you find yourself going through life with a plastered-on smile to mask your true feelings? If you find yourself pretending most, or all of the time, do you know what truly makes you happy?

If you’re an empathic person who easily identifies and feels others’ emotions, you may be especially prone to picking up cues from others and not knowing your own mind. Or, if you’re a People Pleaser, a Yes Man or Woman, or addicted to approval from others, you might not even realize you’re making choices based on what others’ think or want, rather than your own preferences. Do you even know your own preferences?

If this sounds familiar, the first step to finding yourself is awareness. You don’t have to change your behavior, but become aware of when you are choosing to say “Yes” when you would rather say “No,” when you agree to do something that you’d rather not do. Recognizing you are consciously making the choice allows you to see that you have the power to choose, allows you to own your decisions and not feel like a powerless victim.

If you’re not aware or not sure what you feel about your choices, I invite you to get some space from others where you can be alone for a few minutes and tune into your body. Your body will never steer you wrong. If you feel tightness and constriction, or even nausea or breathless, your body is telling you “No.” A “Yes” to the body feels lighter, relaxed, even tingly sometimes. No one can truly tell you what’s best for you — only you know that. Each of us comes into this world with our own set of preferences, likes and dislikes. And it’s a wonderful journey to discover yours and start bringing more of the things that light you up into your life.

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Dissolving Painful Thoughts

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , on October 13, 2011 | 3 Comments »

There are many tools for dissolving painful thoughts, but one of the simplest ones I learned is by Master Certified Martha Beck Coach Brooke Castillo, called Self Coaching 101. It helps me to realize my feelings are a result of my thoughts — not my circumstances. I provide a personal example in the above video, but it works for professional issues as well. Here’s an example:

Circumstance: You don’t get the promotion you were expecting.

Thought: “I’m not respected and valued at this organization.”

Feeling: Sad, Angry, Frustrated

Action: Treat others with less respect. Don’t participate or engage in conversations. Only doing the bare minimum at your job.

Result: Less respect from those around you because you’re not doing your job to the best of your ability.

 

And the result always proves the original thought. As I mentioned in another post, the way our left brain works is that it always looks for evidence to prove itself right. (You may have experienced this with a jealous lover who is SURE that you are cheating and interprets all your silences, phone calls with friends or time with others as proof of infidelity.) However, that doesn’t mean it’s the truth. Try changing the thought and see if you can find evidence to prove that it could be as true or truer than the original thought. In the example above, it could be that there was a better candidate for the promotion, or that the company is struggling and can’t afford to promote you at this time.

The goal is to feel better. So if your thoughts are serving you — not causing you extra stress — then great! But if they’re not serving you, question them and find a better thought. Use your brain as a tool, rather than letting it run rampant and affect your emotions adversely.

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Courage

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , on October 11, 2011 | 2 Comments »

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” – Steve Jobs

I have my share of Apple products and love them. But I was also inspired by Steve Jobs and the way he approached his life.

Launching my own business as a life coach, many people have remarked to me that it’s very brave of me, that it takes courage to follow your dreams. They say it with a bit of amazement and wistfulness on their faces. And when I say that they, too, can follow their dreams, change their career and do what they love, they begin to tell me all the reasons why they can’t.

  • “I’m too old to make a change. I should have done it when I was younger, but now I have to think about retirement.”
  • “I have too many responsibilities – kids, a mortgage, a spouse to support. You can do it because you don’t have all that.”
  • “I can’t quit my job because I need the benefits (particularly insurance). And I can’t get my own insurance like you did because of my health problems.”
  • “I can’t make enough money if I did what I want to do.”

It’s interesting the way our minds work. Our culture is very left-brain dominant, and the left brain looks to the past and predicts the future based on the patterns it sees in the past. This is helpful when you are learning a new skill, but not so helpful for “out of the box” thinking. The left brain also looks for evidence to prove its theories are correct, so if we think a thought of “I can’t make enough money being an artist,” we will look for and find examples of starving artists, of people who only do their art on the weekends and keep working at a job they loathe. If you tell someone to go into a room for 5 minutes and look for as many red objects as possible, and when they exit, ask them how many blue objects they saw, they will be at a loss. Our brains are programmed that way.

The cool thing is — our brains are a tool, not our whole being. We can use them for our purposes, instead of letting our thoughts rule us. A belief is just a thought we’ve said to ourselves over and over again. If it’s working for you, great! If not, choose to believe something different. For example, make a list of all the artists you know of that ARE making a living, and a good one at that, by following their passion. (Hint: NY and Hollywood have lots of examples!)

Trying something new isn’t easy. But for me, staying with what wasn’t working wasn’t easy either. So I decided to try something else. And I am so very happy that I did.

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Time for Something to Change

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged on October 6, 2011 | 1 Comment »

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”

- M. Scott Peck

 

Pain in this human life is inevitable. Our hearts will be broken (and sometimes our bones), our hopes will get dashed. We must learn how to pick ourselves back up again, and learn how to keep going after we experience loss. Sometimes life hits us hard with something that knocks the physical or metaphorical breath out of us, and other times it’s more like a nagging feeling that something’s just not right. Whatever the instigator, our discomfort can influence change. We realize that what we’re currently doing isn’t working, or is no longer working, for us.

My dear friend and fellow coach Kanesha had a revelation of this sort just last month, when she put herself on a self-care diet. Kanesha is one of those women who have so much going on, it’s exhausting to me just to contemplate it all! I don’t know how she gets it all done — and done WELL — and still looks so happy and put-together. But I can relate to the practice of doing so much and forgetting to take care of me. Self-care is very individual for each of us, but if you need some suggestions, I invite you to check out Kanesha’s self-care series — and it’s absolutely free. She has pulled together some inspiring experts, motivating worksheets and daily reminders all geared to help you take a few minutes each day to take care of the often overlooked but essential self. Oh, and I will be making a guest appearance later in the month. Don’t miss it!Self-Care

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